By Al Batt A family member was inducted into something great. As her name was announced, I stood and gave a loud whistle. I'd have done more, but I wasn't sure what the rules allowed because she was one of the first to be introduced. It turned out I could have stomped, screamed and made a complete fool of myself, generally behaving as if civilization had passed me by. A … [Read more...]
Berlin Township’s 107-Year-Old Man From County Kerry
I visited five cemeteries in one day. Four of them would be called rural cemeteries, and the fifth one was in a city with a population inching past 300. What was I doing in five cemeteries? Well, I wasn't in all of them at the same time. That would be a weird superpower to have – the ability to be in five cemeteries at once. "Hold on, I'll save you! I don't know how, but I … [Read more...]
Kenny Might Have Been Wearing Substandard Bowling Shoes
The tire blew. It was louder than loud. I was waiting to walk across a road when a truck pulling a flatbed trailer carrying a backhoe had a trailer tire blowout as it went past me. The world became quieter. It reminded me of bowling. Before pickleball, there was bowling. Our phy ed teacher, in an effort to oust us from our opaque corners, decided our steep learning … [Read more...]
We’ll Weather the Weather Whether or Not We Like It
Everywhere I go, something is there waiting for me. It's called the weather. On this August day, a heaviness hung in the air, brought on by heat and humidity. It was stifling. Archie Bunker's famous catchphrase "Stifle yourself" was directed at his sweet wife Edith in the classic TV show "All in the Family." This August day would have stifled Edith without need of … [Read more...]
There’s a Butterfly On My Foot and It’s Not a Tattoo
It's another day Goal achieved. I enjoy going places and seeing things. That was part of the reason I went out onto the deck of our home, but the primary reason was to fill the birdbath with water. I do that faithfully. Before I could pour any water, a northern house wren, a tiny bird whose name is bigger than it is, yelled at me. I don't believe he was shouting … [Read more...]
I Was Within Walking Distance of a Parade
I'm trying to train the fridge to hum a happy tune. It's not going well. Its morose humming was wearing on me, and I wish to make its droning a bit more upbeat. I hope it learns the song, "I Love a Parade." Find the nearest table or desk and start marching around it. Everybody sing along in the key of off. "I love a parade, the tramping of feet. I love every beat I hear … [Read more...]
Enter the Fairgrounds and Leave the Rest of the World Outside
Life was easier back when everything I ate went to my feet. Like a moth to a flame, I'm drawn to the fair – and not only as an innocent bystander. I've told stories on stage, answered questions about nature, helped presenters, served as a superintendent, pushed food, given away excellent yardsticks, acted as an emcee, represented organizations, been a vendor, shown animals, … [Read more...]
Not Every Hurricane Is Named After One of Your In-Laws
A hurricane is a tropical cyclone with winds of 74 mph or greater. The word hurricane is derived from the Mayan word Huracan, and the Taino and Carib word Hunraken, god of evil. Early tracking relied on geographic references and Catholic saint days before an Australian meteorologist pioneered personal names in the late 1800s, using the names of local politicians he … [Read more...]
I was a Rarity – One of Only 17,474 People
A friend told me she loved her Pontiac Vibe. I used to drive a Vibe. The first car I ever drove was a Pontiac. It was a Chieftain. They not only don't make them like they used to, they don't make Pontiacs at all. Her comment caused me to consider other brands I once patronized that are gone: Borders, Woolworth's and A&P. Life is a series of giving up things. … [Read more...]
Alpha, Lima, Lima, Echo, November. Bravo, Alpha, Tango, Tango.
The movie showed an Army radio telephone operator trying to communicate during a battle. The radioman used the NATO phonetic alphabet, which assigns 26 words, one each to a letter of the English alphabet. The purpose is to eliminate confusion or miscommunication when someone spells words aloud over a phone or radio. It adds clarity to the message by using A: Alpha, B: Bravo, C: … [Read more...]