No jiggling of a handle was required. To prepare for the feast of feasts, the outhouse had been equipped with store-bought toilet paper and comforting peach papers. A Monkey Ward’s catalog was kept in reserve. We have Thanksgiving because we need to be reminded of all the beauty there is in the world. We were blessed but didn’t know those were the good old days. We had … [Read more...]

Flying is relaxing. It’s the kind of relaxation found in a clinic waiting room while you’re standing by to see a doctor. I was on my way to the “Second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.” Those are the words of J.M. Barrie and are Peter Pan’s directions to Neverland. I was headed to Haines, Alaska, in November. Marcus Aurelius said, “When you arise in the … [Read more...]

I remember the scariest Halloween of my life. I worked the late shift at a gas station. Besides pumping gas, my job was to check the oil, check the radiator, determine if the tires had a sufficient amount of air, wash the windshield, windows and mirrors, check the lights, give directions, offer a free road map, tell a joke, collect the money and do it all cheerfully. I also … [Read more...]

The “normal” ship has sailed and it didn’t have many passengers. I wasn’t on board. Our habits keep us from boarding that ship. We have the bad habit of having bad habits. Bad habits keep us standing on the dock and are hard to give up because nobody likes a quitter. It’s the Minnesota way to conquer bad habits by replacing them with good habits. I tend to my good behaviors. … [Read more...]

The day had been nearly copacetic. I walked indoors in a shopping mall because of the wet weather outdoors. Bob Dylan had predicted it when he wrote, “And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard. And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.” I like Dylan, but sometimes his needle becomes stuck. He’s a songwriter/singer and a crack meteorologist. He not only predicted … [Read more...]

I find things. Sometimes I find things funny. I can’t find things, too. I couldn’t find my camouflage socks. Sometimes I find things I can’t find funny. I found a glove the other day. I’m keeping it in case I find one for the other hand. My mother bought mittens for me and put them directly into my grade school’s lost and found shelf. Family legend said it was a rare … [Read more...]

My father was outstanding in his field. As a farmer, he spent a lot of time in the dairy barn, but it seemed like he was always in the field. He dedicated a significant part of his life to riding our collection of farm tractors – Allis-Chalmers (orange), Farmall (red) and Oliver (green). Sometimes he’d get so busy in the field that he’d forget about eating. This didn’t go … [Read more...]

The day had a lot of moving parts and one too many unmoving parts. Someone, who happened to be me, stubbed his toe. If I’d meant to have done that, I’d have gotten an A+ on the assignment. I was up early to avoid sloth when the leg of the bed initiated an attack and forced me to defend myself. I hadn’t put hammer to stone and created a masterpiece the day before, but I’d … [Read more...]

It was too dark too early too soon. Pumpkin spice lurked in a dark alley where hoodies make people look like walking chrysalises. September is a handy place to start fall. Autumn means it’s not winter yet, butterfly wings are tattered and the pickleball fantasy league comes to a screeching halt. I can see the seasons change in the birds. They’re wearing their work clothing … [Read more...]

My body’s check engine light came on. Eventually, we become like our old car or aging house – fix, fix, fix. I was taught to never sit until I was invited. That has led to uncomfortable times for me in waiting rooms, which stretched the concept of time. But soon, a nurse held my hand with her two strong ones. I was lightheaded. The room was spinning. I had heart palpitations. … [Read more...]

I used to know a lot of people named Merle. I saw the name of one Merle I knew on a gravestone and thought, “No wonder I haven’t seen him around.” A Merle, who was part of a large family, told me he got his name because his mother had run out of other names. I still know a fair number of Merles, but not as many as I did. Maybe they’re making up in quality for what they lack … [Read more...]

I was on a chicken bus in Mexico. It was called that because chickens sometimes rode the bus to market. A woman seated in the rear of the bus I was on held a live chicken – a little red hen. The bus driver ground the gears on every shift as the vehicle struggled uphill. He couldn’t be blamed, as the shift lever on the floor was at an odd angle, indicating it had been … [Read more...]

The garage door opener is a wonderful invention. I used to have to get out of my car in the pouring rain and dodge lightning bolts while I yelled, “Lower the drawbridge” or “Open sesame” before grunting the door open manually. No more. I pressed the garage door opener and the door lifted as I sat comfortably in my car and marveled that the door knew where to go and when to … [Read more...]

We knew little, but we suspected a lot. Each day was a test we hadn’t studied for back in the time before Vanna White landed her demanding letter-turning gig. In a world filled with “aww” and “eww,” there were many mysteries. If medicine was good for us, why did it taste bad? Are the crusts of sandwiches good for us? Why do some people cut sandwiches diagonally? When I was … [Read more...]

It was a fly year. It was hot and humid, and the flies were sticky. Flies were left, right and center. I’d finished a gig of telling stories at a fair. People had been milling about, but now there was a lull. Feeling peckish, I procured a malt and looked for shade. I found it where wooden cable spools acted as tables and looked like the yo-yos of a fee-fi-fo-fum-sized giant. … [Read more...]