I felt like Ninny the Pooh. I’d called a friend by his brother’s name. Twice. How did I get so stupid? I didn’t study for it. I’ve said dumber things. This brain cramp barely moves the needle on the stupidity scale, but it annoyed me. I should be used to it because as soon as we can form words, we’ve said something stupid enough to hear crickets chirping. I was in … [Read more...]
Grappling with the complexities of 365 seasons annually
The chill is gone. Summer begins when the last snowman melts. It can’t be summer already. Summer was just here. We’re finding our way back to things. It helps if the weather is a little better than just OK – lovely green and blue days with grasses swaying in the gentle breeze. Those days cause me to consider E. B. White who wrote, “I arise in the morning torn between a … [Read more...]
Life is like a jigsaw puzzle only way different
I was so tired, I had to do the dishes in bed. My morning had begun in a garage where his noises were funnier than those made by my car. The mechanic leaned on the fender as he jiggled things under the hood. He smiled as if the exercise provided a modicum of excitement. Maybe it was a grimace or gas. He was one of those guys who spends an unlimited amount of time to achieve … [Read more...]
A stampeding swarm of Yosemite Sams
Awwww. I heard it while I was working in the basement. My wife was upstairs, seated at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper. I knew that sound. I’ve heard it often during our married life. It wasn’t an “aww” that expressed delight as in, “Aww. What a cute baby.” It wasn’t the “aww” that expressed mild disappointment as when a pitcher … [Read more...]
I felt as if I were wearing burlap underwear
It was hot enough to complain about everything. I’d completed compulsory mechanical work. I’d put a rear end in a recliner. The heat had stalled the clock at noon. The hands had become motionless. Hot weather is more of a stick than a carrot. Hot weather bangs us about. People wilted in the sun. Swimming pools boiled. Ice cream trucks and plastic flamingos melted. It was … [Read more...]
Good luck finding good luck
I was talking to a Billiken on a shelf. The Billiken is a chubby, comic, charm doll/figure given to me by a tour group to Alaska, where natives render Billikens in carvings as good luck charms. To buy a Billiken gives the purchaser luck, but to have one given to you is better luck. The Billiken is a mythical good-luck figure who represents “things as they ought to be” and … [Read more...]
Rock, paper, scissors and rust on two wheels
Humans are always bucking a headwind. We teeter precariously on the edge of the world. We not only don’t know things, we don’t know most things. Our talents lie in suspecting things. There are three kinds of people; those who can count and those who can’t. Most of us can count to three on our fingers. I find the rule of three is important in my life. A list of three … [Read more...]
I do all my own stunts
I’m just browsing. That’s what I’d say if I ever surprised a grizzly bear that was carrying an assault rifle, right after it bumped its painful bruin bunion against a birch stump. Fortunately, I’ve never surprised a grizzly bear that was carrying an assault rifle, right after it had bumped its painful bruin bunion against a birch stump. I’m a chronic walker. Not Walker, … [Read more...]
Wrestling with a plastic bag
I spent time in the produce department trying to open a plastic bag. Why don’t people eat more fresh fruit and vegetables? It’s because of those irritating plastic produce bags. My fingers finessed the bag open and I filled it. Fueled by a shopping list, I pushed my cart to other parts of the store with a vroom, vroom! It was a masterful performance. Academy … [Read more...]
Look at you, all smart and stuff
My sheepskin had a tail. That tells you where I ranked in the class, but I’m giving a graduation speech in my dreams. I’ll talk about what I know. I’ll be brief. I’m from a generation far, far away. I missed my first day of school and am still trying to catch up, but here I am. You’ll never again chant, “It’s all right. It’s OK. You’ll be working for us one day,” after … [Read more...]