Awwww. I heard it while I was working in the basement. My wife was upstairs, seated at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper. I knew that sound. I’ve heard it often during our married life. It wasn’t an “aww” that expressed delight as in, “Aww. What a cute baby.” It wasn’t the “aww” that expressed mild disappointment as when a pitcher … [Read more...]
I felt as if I were wearing burlap underwear
It was hot enough to complain about everything. I’d completed compulsory mechanical work. I’d put a rear end in a recliner. The heat had stalled the clock at noon. The hands had become motionless. Hot weather is more of a stick than a carrot. Hot weather bangs us about. People wilted in the sun. Swimming pools boiled. Ice cream trucks and plastic flamingos melted. It was … [Read more...]
Good luck finding good luck
I was talking to a Billiken on a shelf. The Billiken is a chubby, comic, charm doll/figure given to me by a tour group to Alaska, where natives render Billikens in carvings as good luck charms. To buy a Billiken gives the purchaser luck, but to have one given to you is better luck. The Billiken is a mythical good-luck figure who represents “things as they ought to be” and … [Read more...]
Rock, paper, scissors and rust on two wheels
Humans are always bucking a headwind. We teeter precariously on the edge of the world. We not only don’t know things, we don’t know most things. Our talents lie in suspecting things. There are three kinds of people; those who can count and those who can’t. Most of us can count to three on our fingers. I find the rule of three is important in my life. A list of three … [Read more...]
I do all my own stunts
I’m just browsing. That’s what I’d say if I ever surprised a grizzly bear that was carrying an assault rifle, right after it bumped its painful bruin bunion against a birch stump. Fortunately, I’ve never surprised a grizzly bear that was carrying an assault rifle, right after it had bumped its painful bruin bunion against a birch stump. I’m a chronic walker. Not Walker, … [Read more...]
Wrestling with a plastic bag
I spent time in the produce department trying to open a plastic bag. Why don’t people eat more fresh fruit and vegetables? It’s because of those irritating plastic produce bags. My fingers finessed the bag open and I filled it. Fueled by a shopping list, I pushed my cart to other parts of the store with a vroom, vroom! It was a masterful performance. Academy … [Read more...]
Look at you, all smart and stuff
My sheepskin had a tail. That tells you where I ranked in the class, but I’m giving a graduation speech in my dreams. I’ll talk about what I know. I’ll be brief. I’m from a generation far, far away. I missed my first day of school and am still trying to catch up, but here I am. You’ll never again chant, “It’s all right. It’s OK. You’ll be working for us one day,” after … [Read more...]
Thanks for laundering my money
She was the last to know it was raining. I headed home from somewhere. Somewhere else someone had said, “Rain, rain go away, come again another day.” This was another day. The windshield wiper activity made me think of my mother. She was the shortest one in my extended family. I teased she was the last to know when it was raining. I was a foot taller than my mother when she … [Read more...]
I buttoned my lip with a buzz saw
I met the day with the wonder of a Labrador puppy. I walked down the trail at Brookside Park. I was a happy camper after seeing a couple of yellow-crowned night herons, hearing barred owls calling and finding a debit card lost by someone named Laura. There were a couple of sheriff’s deputies pulling their boat out of the channel. I gave the lost card to them. I’d finished … [Read more...]
Naturally
What’s all the yellowing about? It’s about American goldfinches. They are turning a brilliant yellow. Dandelions are spring to some folks. The yellowing of spring. Is a group of dandelions called a pride? Mark Twain said, “In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.” It’s good to see turkey vultures back and checking the expiration … [Read more...]