My great-grandfather died in a tragic sock accident. I asked my father for further details on his 70th birthday, but it was too soon. He couldn’t talk about it. My great- grandfather’s unfortunate demise is why I like to wear sandals. Sandals are safe because there is no need for socks and because I once had a pair of haunted socks. That’s another story. I like sandals … [Read more...]
It’s Colorado Rocky Mountain high jinks
Every day is a surprise. I walked on a moonless night when no star dared twinkle. It was as dark as a dark cloud with a dark secret. I walked without illumination because it was a trail I’d walked a thousand times before. I moved along in the vagueness until something hit me. Unbeknownst to me, a tree branch along the path had broken and become a hanger (widowmaker). I was … [Read more...]
The interest rate is high when you borrow trouble
We talked all afternoon and never ran out of things to say. It was a Mayberry moment on a front porch. A friend talked of his childhood experience of working for a farmer who offered him Copenhagen (smokeless tobacco) with the promise it would make him a man. He tried it and described the noteworthy event as the closest he has ever come to dying. One of life’s greatest … [Read more...]
Have you ever misspelled your name?
It’s nice to have a name you can remember. I live a mile from where I was born. I had no choice. My mother said nuts didn’t fall far from the tree. I grew up amid people named Nelson, Olson, Hanson, Sorenson, Knutson, Gulbrandson, Jacobson, Peterson, Madson, Thompson, Hendrickson, Larson, Jenson, Erickson, Swenson, Christenson, etc., and I still have difficulty pronouncing … [Read more...]
Baw boomp ba
Baw boomp ba. Baw boomp ba. I tossed the ball against the wall, caught it on one hop and then threw it again. The small, yellow stress ball promoting Iowa Lakes Community College helped me to become lost in my thoughts. I was thinking summer leaves too soon. It comes quickly and then is looooooooooooooong gone. I don’t want it to go. Summer leaves carrying my claw marks. … [Read more...]
I can still fit into my old classroom
One of us had a pet rooster named Gary. My primary school class was made of equal amounts of good intentions and mischief. Naps were supposed to settle us down, but just as we’d fallen asleep in a lake of drool, it was time to wake up. We had a water fountain in the corner of the classroom, which fostered a need to raise our hands when we needed to use the restroom. “May I … [Read more...]
Do UFOs believe in you?
“A dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets, but one man is still trying to find the answers to life’s persistent questions — Guy Noir, Private Eye.” That’s from the old Prairie Home Companion radio program. “Do you believe in UFOs?” someone who wasn’t Guy Noir asked. Like everyone, he had some crackpot ideas like the Vikings winning a Super Bowl during his … [Read more...]
What part of “uffda” don’t you understand?
Boy, howdy! I’d been contentedly looking at myself from the inside. Then my alarm exploded at 4 a.m. I usually wake up before my alarm sounds, but not this morning. First, I thought the disruption was part of a nightmare. I couldn’t find a crevice to shove the shrieking alarm, so I got out of bed. I can sleep through anything that doesn’t wake me, but the alarm gave me … [Read more...]
The Flatulent Donkeys sang, “Tears in my goulash”
“Do you like flying squirrels?” “I don’t know, I’ve never flown one,” I told the inquiring caller. Flying monkeys are kind of creepy and I’ve never seen a flying cow or donkey. While on the subject of donkeys, I shared my intentions with my wife who responded, “Have you gone soft in the head?” She mumbled, “Give blood, play donkey ball.” I’d planned on riding … [Read more...]
I felt as lucky as Kentucky on a fair day
It was time for me to get my fairs in order. Don’t follow the masses. Sometimes the “m” is silent. That was the advice I was given years back without asking for it. I ignored it and followed the masses to a county fair. Fairgrounds aren’t mediocre coffee. There is something for everyone unless you are someone for whom nothing is good enough. You can find complete gutter … [Read more...]