There are legions of famous Minnesotans, and that includes you. There are too many esteemed Gopher Staters to count, but I’ll mention a few: Bob Dylan, Judy Garland, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Sinclair Lewis, Charles Schulz (the creator of “Peanuts”), James Arness (played Matt Dillon in “Gunsmoke”), Garrison Keillor, Prince, Jesse Ventura, Walter Mondale, Hubert H. Humphrey and … [Read more...]

“Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain, and the waving wheat can sure smell sweet, when the wind comes right behind the rain. Oklahoma, every night my honey lamb and I sit alone and talk and watch a hawk making lazy circles in the sky.” I sang that aloud in the key of off on my drive to Oklahoma for a speaking gig. I sang because I was all alone in the … [Read more...]

A kid offered me some Big League Chew bubble gum. If you’ve ever been a kid, you’ve likely chewed bubble gum. I thanked him and then declined his kind offer. I don’t chew gum.  It makes my jaws tired. I had a neighbor who got punched in the jaw during an altercation. When John Wayne was socked in a movie, he’d rub his jaw and smile. Real life differs from reel … [Read more...]

I remember a professor (I don’t remember his name) telling my class (I don’t remember what class it was), “I have three things I want you to remember today.” I don’t remember what the three things were, but I remember there were three of them. So, that’s been a big help, and I also recall learning (I don’t remember at what school) that a personal mission statement has three … [Read more...]

There was something in the air. I was trying to weave my day into a seamless garment when a strange wind blew.     Something was bugging me. I’m sure it was my imagination, but I could hear the theme from “Jaws.” Was it climate change? Some people call them ladybugs, but ladybugs are cute. These were flotsam floating on a sea of aggravation. It was October 8, a … [Read more...]

I saw a grizzly bear caterpillar.  It’s going to be a brutal winter.  Still, I was more than happy to share a lovely fall day with the crawler. Folklore says a narrow orange band on a woolly bear caterpillar means a harsh winter and a wide orange band means a mild winter. The truth is that the wider the orange band, the older the woolly bear (also called woolly worm or … [Read more...]

We could all use an upgrade. I got a new cellphone. I was due for an upgrade. My old phone was old, something to be expected from an old phone. The new one was the same brand as my old electronic leash, so the learning curve was minimal.  There was a long line of starlings perched on a utility wire as I drove to town. Each bird had positioned itself just far enough from … [Read more...]

I wasn’t shuffling off to Buffalo. Nor was I off to dance the bison-nova. My wife and I went to Minneopa State Park to see the bison. The bison are usually called buffalo. Minneopa is outside Mankato, Minn. It’s Mankato, no matter how you pronounce it.  Minneopa has a herd of 33 bison. That iconic song “Home on the Range” is incorrect. Buffalo never roamed the range, … [Read more...]

I tried to say, “Irish wristwatch” three times quickly. I failed. I wanted to be pulled home in a Radio Flyer little red wagon. I called Uber. They wouldn’t do it. It had been a hectic day. On my way home, I needed to stop at a grocery store because I had a list. The store was busy. I grabbed a cart. A shopping cart is a fitness coach – a physical fitness coach, not a … [Read more...]

I swallowed a mosquito. I’m an adventurous eater. Swallowing a mosquito often happens to a guy whose mouth is always open.  I stumbled into a drugstore. A friend there told me he’d overheard a woman looking at the makeup shelves mutter, “What’s the point? I’ll still recognize me.” I changed lanes and headed to what wasn’t a dark aisle, one where a mother would warn … [Read more...]

The air carried the scent of a dirty athletic sock that had been microwaved. The fair had ended, and I found myself downwind from a dumpster emitting that lingering stench. It wasn’t the smell of prize-winning flowers discarded into that large garbage container. A florist, who I knew a little but not a lot, walked over. We howdied but we didn’t shake. He told me he was … [Read more...]

It’s time for back-to-cool sales. Pick up a parka. And back-to-school sales. It’s an August sublime. I’m still eating sweet corn and the Minnesota Twins are still in the running. I recall a Luther League trip to Metropolitan Stadium in Bloomington to watch the Twins during my first childhood. We sat in the cheap seats far from home plate. The only people seated farther … [Read more...]

A cat owns my wife and me. We have three litter boxes because cats are territorial about those things. The cat isn’t always a precious pet. It purrs as it knocks things from my desk to the floor. If the Earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now. I think of my narrow boyhood as an outstanding one in which I dabbled in perfection, but I can find no … [Read more...]

I hadn’t heard from him since he went off to college at the South Dakota School of Mimes. I thought it was because he’d stopped talking, but there was another reason. I paid my respects to him, family members, friends and loved ones buried in a rural cemetery with their locations marked by gravestones showing expiration dates. A cemetery is any large burial ground, while a … [Read more...]

Technically, nothing is lost until I stop looking for it. Most men have a favorite shirt. Someone said, “You look good in that shirt.” Boom! That’s his favorite shirt. We’d wear that shirt every day if we could get by with it. I know a grown man in Alaska who owns only two shirts. They’re identical. I stood in front of the closet. I moved my eyes and hands to every shirt … [Read more...]