“How many miles do you have on your car?” I told him. It was a substantial number. “It’s almost broken in,” I added in a feeble attempt at cleverness. The man chewed on that for a moment before saying, “It’s almost broken.” That was unfair. It’s a dependable car. The good kind of dependable. I’ve had a dependably bad car. Each time I shoved a key into the ignition, … [Read more...]

Farms were evacuated. A national emergency was declared. You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Your next stop wasn’t the Twilight Zone. Everyone and their yellow dogs were going to Allis-Chalmers (AC) Day. It was even better than getting the Christmas wish book, a 600-page … [Read more...]

How do we prepare for severe weather in Minnesota? We go to the store. I brought the necessities home and carried them from the attached garage, through the entryway, and into the kitchen because it’s conveniently located. I grew up taking a similar path, except the garage was a shed located a respectful distance from the house. My wife was going through old church … [Read more...]

I read a newspaper from front to back. Except for one thing. When should I read them – before or after I read the funny pages? I’m referring to the obituaries. Not all newspapers carry the funnies, which simplifies my decision. The comics make me laugh, and laughter is the best medicine. I learned early on that laughter is good for the soul, unless I did it … [Read more...]

I searched behind the sofa cushions for bitcoin. We were going grocery shopping. Old Man Winter had covered the roads with butter, but they were passable. I parked the car and joined the happy throng in search of victuals. We had a list for guidance and filled the shopping cart with the things we needed. My wife needed to consult with the pharmacy about our new … [Read more...]

The doorbell rang. I opened the door, and a robed visitor accompanied by sitar music walked in out of the dimming twilight. The renowned mystic from the Far East part of the township, the fabled soothsayer, the seventh son of the seventh son of the seventh son, the oracle from just down the road, Swami Davis Jr., took a break from selling fortune cookies to stop by with his … [Read more...]

I stood on my left foot as the clock neared midnight. It was as if I were a pink flamingo. I wore pink socks, immersing myself in the role. Actually, I wore pink socks because my yellow, orange and purple socks were all in the wash. When “12:00” showed up on the clock, I put my right foot down. I started the New Year off on the right foot. The radio played “Auld … [Read more...]

They took my blood pressure. And they didn’t give it back. It was early, but not as early as the dawning of a day when I was wandering around Gulf Shores, Alabama, in pursuit of the world’s most beautiful bird. I had no idea what species it was, but I wanted to see it.  I encountered a fellow seated at an outdoor table and welcoming the sunrise with an adult beverage. He … [Read more...]

Somewhere Christmas music played to the warm and the safe. Everything wasn’t merry and bright. It was so windy that the pine tree air freshener in my car lost all its needles. I listened to the weather on the radio. I wanted the night to lighten up. I was somewhere between the Rockies and a hard place to get to. I was on my way home for Christmas, driving in the back … [Read more...]

The Christmas shopping season may seem long, but it’s much shorter than an election campaign. Life moves fast, but Christmas moves even faster. Shopping is no cause for alarm, but it can be if you wait until Christmas Eve day to do it. Then it can be confounding.   Shopping isn’t painful. That part comes at the checkout when I shuffle past the “Who are all these people?” … [Read more...]