I like movies. I grew up during the Dark Ages. They were the grim times before cat videos were available 24/7. Cat videos were then available 0/7. Social media consisted of papers tacked to a strategically placed bulletin board. I spent my boyhood in a home with three TV channels and zero TV remotes. There were three movie theaters within a comfortable driving … [Read more...]

My mother put another shovelful of instant coffee into her cup. “Have fun at school,” she said.   Fun? How could we have fun? We couldn’t even Google anything yet. A school bus was bliss and despair on wheels, a consistent and reliable conveyance to amazing learning opportunities. Serenaded by the sounds of a door opening with a mechanical clunk and creak, I boarded … [Read more...]

“How many miles do you have on your car?” I told him. It was a substantial number. “It’s almost broken in,” I added in a feeble attempt at cleverness. The man chewed on that for a moment before saying, “It’s almost broken.” That was unfair. It’s a dependable car. The good kind of dependable. I’ve had a dependably bad car. Each time I shoved a key into the ignition, … [Read more...]

Farms were evacuated. A national emergency was declared. You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Your next stop wasn’t the Twilight Zone. Everyone and their yellow dogs were going to Allis-Chalmers (AC) Day. It was even better than getting the Christmas wish book, a 600-page … [Read more...]

How do we prepare for severe weather in Minnesota? We go to the store. I brought the necessities home and carried them from the attached garage, through the entryway, and into the kitchen because it’s conveniently located. I grew up taking a similar path, except the garage was a shed located a respectful distance from the house. My wife was going through old church … [Read more...]

I read a newspaper from front to back. Except for one thing. When should I read them – before or after I read the funny pages? I’m referring to the obituaries. Not all newspapers carry the funnies, which simplifies my decision. The comics make me laugh, and laughter is the best medicine. I learned early on that laughter is good for the soul, unless I did it … [Read more...]

I searched behind the sofa cushions for bitcoin. We were going grocery shopping. Old Man Winter had covered the roads with butter, but they were passable. I parked the car and joined the happy throng in search of victuals. We had a list for guidance and filled the shopping cart with the things we needed. My wife needed to consult with the pharmacy about our new … [Read more...]

The doorbell rang. I opened the door, and a robed visitor accompanied by sitar music walked in out of the dimming twilight. The renowned mystic from the Far East part of the township, the fabled soothsayer, the seventh son of the seventh son of the seventh son, the oracle from just down the road, Swami Davis Jr., took a break from selling fortune cookies to stop by with his … [Read more...]

I stood on my left foot as the clock neared midnight. It was as if I were a pink flamingo. I wore pink socks, immersing myself in the role. Actually, I wore pink socks because my yellow, orange and purple socks were all in the wash. When “12:00” showed up on the clock, I put my right foot down. I started the New Year off on the right foot. The radio played “Auld … [Read more...]

They took my blood pressure. And they didn’t give it back. It was early, but not as early as the dawning of a day when I was wandering around Gulf Shores, Alabama, in pursuit of the world’s most beautiful bird. I had no idea what species it was, but I wanted to see it.  I encountered a fellow seated at an outdoor table and welcoming the sunrise with an adult beverage. He … [Read more...]