They took my blood pressure. And they didn’t give it back. It was early, but not as early as the dawning of a day when I was wandering around Gulf Shores, Alabama, in pursuit of the world’s most beautiful bird. I had no idea what species it was, but I wanted to see it.  I encountered a fellow seated at an outdoor table and welcoming the sunrise with an adult beverage. He … [Read more...]

Somewhere Christmas music played to the warm and the safe. Everything wasn’t merry and bright. It was so windy that the pine tree air freshener in my car lost all its needles. I listened to the weather on the radio. I wanted the night to lighten up. I was somewhere between the Rockies and a hard place to get to. I was on my way home for Christmas, driving in the back … [Read more...]

The Christmas shopping season may seem long, but it’s much shorter than an election campaign. Life moves fast, but Christmas moves even faster. Shopping is no cause for alarm, but it can be if you wait until Christmas Eve day to do it. Then it can be confounding.   Shopping isn’t painful. That part comes at the checkout when I shuffle past the “Who are all these people?” … [Read more...]

It was the opening salvo of winter. Challenging climatic conditions reminded us we’re not in charge. I read William Faulkner’s book, “Absalom, Absalom!” which included a 1,288-word sentence. And he wasn’t even writing about a Minnesota winter. Winters can be a long sentence. Jonathan Coe’s 2001 novel, “The Rotters’ Club,” contains a 13,955-word sentence spanning 33 … [Read more...]

By Al Batt There was no haystack to be found in those needles. I vowed not to get my tinsel in a tangle. Four of us put up a Christmas tree. Yes, it took that many. It was a small tree made heavy with angels. The angels flew onto the boughs. A couple of trains sat on tracks beneath the tree. The trains weren’t full-sized because the tree was small, but they caused me … [Read more...]

I made myself a mug of steaming hot tea because I’m a wizard in the culinary arts. I set the mug on my desk and promptly forgot about it until I took a sip and discovered the tea had cooled. Move over Aristotle. That happened because I’m a wizard at becoming distracted. The unexpected lukewarm tea caused me to fall prey to the elevens — that pair of wrinkles that form on my … [Read more...]

I was in the back of beyond. Even though I was somewhere between the tiny towns of Two Bits and North Burlap, I knew I’d find a cemetery or graveyard. Those places that claim they aren’t nowhere, yet can see nowhere from there without using binoculars, often have burial grounds. A graveyard is typically a smaller burial ground associated with a church, while a cemetery is … [Read more...]

I was a first grader when I was given a free road map of the state of Minnesota by the owner of a gas station. He said it was around my age, so he wouldn’t charge me anything for it, even though most of the places were spelled correctly. He added I’d need it now that I’d gone to school in a feeble attempt at becoming a learned man. The map was almost as enlightening as the time … [Read more...]

What is the moon up to now? I’m not sure. Folks used to pay more attention to full moons as a way to track the seasons. January’s full moon is called the Wolf Moon because of the howling of the wolves. It’s also called Cold Moon, Severe Moon and Canada Goose Moon. Here are the names of the full moons for the rest of the month. February: Snow Moon – also Bald Eagle, … [Read more...]

It’s the heated car seat season. That’s another reason there is no need to spend a winter in the south. Unless it’s Algona, Iowa. That’s my idea of the tropics. “How are you doing?” was how I greeted an audience member after I’d given a long-winded talk. I asked that in the hopes of making a connection, but knowing it’s not always the best question because people … [Read more...]