I read a newspaper from front to back. Except for one thing. When should I read them – before or after I read the funny pages? I’m referring to the obituaries. Not all newspapers carry the funnies, which simplifies my decision. The comics make me laugh, and laughter is the best medicine. I learned early on that laughter is good for the soul, unless I did it … [Read more...]

I searched behind the sofa cushions for bitcoin. We were going grocery shopping. Old Man Winter had covered the roads with butter, but they were passable. I parked the car and joined the happy throng in search of victuals. We had a list for guidance and filled the shopping cart with the things we needed. My wife needed to consult with the pharmacy about our new … [Read more...]

The doorbell rang. I opened the door, and a robed visitor accompanied by sitar music walked in out of the dimming twilight. The renowned mystic from the Far East part of the township, the fabled soothsayer, the seventh son of the seventh son of the seventh son, the oracle from just down the road, Swami Davis Jr., took a break from selling fortune cookies to stop by with his … [Read more...]

I stood on my left foot as the clock neared midnight. It was as if I were a pink flamingo. I wore pink socks, immersing myself in the role. Actually, I wore pink socks because my yellow, orange and purple socks were all in the wash. When “12:00” showed up on the clock, I put my right foot down. I started the New Year off on the right foot. The radio played “Auld … [Read more...]

They took my blood pressure. And they didn’t give it back. It was early, but not as early as the dawning of a day when I was wandering around Gulf Shores, Alabama, in pursuit of the world’s most beautiful bird. I had no idea what species it was, but I wanted to see it.  I encountered a fellow seated at an outdoor table and welcoming the sunrise with an adult beverage. He … [Read more...]

Somewhere Christmas music played to the warm and the safe. Everything wasn’t merry and bright. It was so windy that the pine tree air freshener in my car lost all its needles. I listened to the weather on the radio. I wanted the night to lighten up. I was somewhere between the Rockies and a hard place to get to. I was on my way home for Christmas, driving in the back … [Read more...]

The Christmas shopping season may seem long, but it’s much shorter than an election campaign. Life moves fast, but Christmas moves even faster. Shopping is no cause for alarm, but it can be if you wait until Christmas Eve day to do it. Then it can be confounding.   Shopping isn’t painful. That part comes at the checkout when I shuffle past the “Who are all these people?” … [Read more...]

It was the opening salvo of winter. Challenging climatic conditions reminded us we’re not in charge. I read William Faulkner’s book, “Absalom, Absalom!” which included a 1,288-word sentence. And he wasn’t even writing about a Minnesota winter. Winters can be a long sentence. Jonathan Coe’s 2001 novel, “The Rotters’ Club,” contains a 13,955-word sentence spanning 33 … [Read more...]

By Al Batt There was no haystack to be found in those needles. I vowed not to get my tinsel in a tangle. Four of us put up a Christmas tree. Yes, it took that many. It was a small tree made heavy with angels. The angels flew onto the boughs. A couple of trains sat on tracks beneath the tree. The trains weren’t full-sized because the tree was small, but they caused me … [Read more...]

I made myself a mug of steaming hot tea because I’m a wizard in the culinary arts. I set the mug on my desk and promptly forgot about it until I took a sip and discovered the tea had cooled. Move over Aristotle. That happened because I’m a wizard at becoming distracted. The unexpected lukewarm tea caused me to fall prey to the elevens — that pair of wrinkles that form on my … [Read more...]