It’s Impossible to Hide in the ICU

Everything wasn’t copacetic.

“It’s probably nothing” no longer applied to me. I’d moved past that point. I couldn’t leave well enough alone when I’m not well enough.

How did this happen? It’s like a birthday that makes me an entire year older in just one day. That’s unfair. Life can be a bearcat that takes us to places we’d never hoped to go. When that happens, I see a boo-boo specialist. What the world needs now is love, sweet love and good healthcare.

Life moves from a rollercoaster to a bumper car. Then life becomes a demolition derby. The 1965 Chrysler Imperial was banned from demolition derbies because of its exceptionally robust construction. Its heavy-duty frames, solid body-on-frame design, and overall strength gave the Imperial a significant advantage over other vehicles in derbies. An Imperial was difficult to damage, as it could withstand hits that would disable or destroy other cars. Its durability gave it resilience.

Most of us had either been a Chrysler Imperial once or thought we were one. Then, our bodies became something we could no longer trust. One day, we had two choices: ignore it or walk it off. The next day, we learned to withstand critical review.

People sat in the huge waiting area, hoping that time would heal all wounds. Not everyone was up to code. Life had become a blender with its top off. Collywobbles were common. Somehow, we’d gone from having boo-boos of little concern to this. Bad things happen to all people. There is no selective participation in a case of the miseries.

The spring in some steps had sprung because of too many defibrillator burgers. Not everyone had eaten an apple a day. People who were the salt of the earth had high blood pressure. Wobbly, creaky or saggy, but optimistic, we hoped we were Weebles and, just like those roly-poly toys, we’d wobble but we don’t fall down.

I tried to take a nap in a chair not made for napping, but only my foot managed to fall asleep. South Carolina was nowhere near where I was, but it played a part in my thoughts. I eat as many peaches as I can, and the peach is the state fruit of South Carolina, so there is that connection. The state seal of South Carolina was first used in 1777. The Palmetto State has two state mottos on its state seal. Did you know there is a famous seal in Tasmania called Neil the Seal? I veered off track there. Sorry. The first of South Carolina’s mottos is “Animis Opibusque Parati,” which is Latin for “Prepared in Mind and Resources.” I don’t read Latin, so I’m going to take the state’s word for it. The second motto is “Dum Spiro Spero,” which is Latin for “While I Breathe, I Hope,” which ties in with an image of the Roman goddess Spes, who was the goddess of hope.

Hope.

I’d hoped the surgeon measured twice and cut once. He cut through my whatchamacallit and past my doohickey to repair my thingamajig. I’m considering getting tasteful tattoos to cover the scars. I haven’t been restored to my factory settings, but I’m better than the patient whose surgeon left a sponge in him. That guy didn’t have any pain, but he was always thirsty. I told someone of importance at the hospital that if they had any inkling that my problem was hereditary, they should send the bill to my late grandfather.

Visitors heard that I felt great the day before, but I was older than that now. I asked them what the green grape had said to the purple grape. Breathe! Their smiles made me feel like I’m pretty near pretty good.

I’m blessed that nostrums were replaced by sound science. It can be hard to feel 100% when your health insurance covers only 80%, but remember what Voltaire said, “The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us.”

Please realize that everybody is fighting a battle and needs to drink more water.

Rexall, a chain that once had 12,000 drugstores across the U.S., had a catchphrase.

It was “Good health to all from Rexall.”

I’m no Rexall, but I wish you the same thing.