Do you have a definition for success in your motherhood?
Do we even have an answer for this question? Especially during the holidays.
Think about it. Successful motherhood is …
Home cooked meals? Maybe any meal at all? Is it clean clothes? Maybe folded laundry that actually gets put away? Lots of presents? Swept floors? A day with no yelling?
Or maybe: No one died today and the house didn’t burn down. SUCCESS!!
What would success actually looks like for you?
Can you define success in your motherhood?
I’ve been struggling with this definition for several months. If I don’t know where I’m going, how on earth am I supposed to get there?
Yogi Berra once said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might wind up someplace else.” I’m not actually a baseball person, and I don’t think Berra was talking about mom life, but isn’t that a dreadfully accurate definition of motherhood?!
How often do we forget to plan where we will end up; and then just end up someplace. Can you imagine giving someone those directions?! “Just go wander around and see what happens. Bonus points if you stay fed and clothed.”
Sounds pretty true to mom-life some days.
Sometimes planning doesn’t feel important.
If you don’t plan what’s for dinner tonight, there’s always cereal or eggs or leftovers …but what about bigger decisions? What about life? Do we know where we are actually going?
Great intentionality is highly praised in planning other things in our lives – careers, weddings, college, etc. Great praise is given for accomplishing goals at work, school, etc.
But why not motherhood?
I recently talked to a bride-to-be who has been planning her wedding for a year. In a matter of 180 seconds, she was able to show me a mood board on her phone of her exact vision for her wedding.
What if we could do this with mom-life? What if you could whip out your phone and show me your mom-vision board and how you were going to get there?
Far too often, our mommy mood boards look like scrolling Instagram or Facebook and then just feeling overwhelmed that we’re not Joanna Gaines. The mom FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) has mutated into FOMU (Fear of Measuring Up) – and we all feel it! Why does it matter so much what that other mom over there is doing?
If our mom-success isn’t clearly defined, there will ALWAYS be someone who is doing something better (or different) and we will feel like we don’t measure up.
Don’t believe me? I talked to a mom this week who regularly makes fresh, whole wheat bread for her family with freshly ground wheat berries. (Can I get a wowwwwza!) Amazingly enough, she feels inadequate in this task because she sees the “next level” of health consciousness on Instagram and it makes her feel like she should be doing the next thing, even though what she’s doing is amazing! FOMU: Fear of Measuring Up. It’s a thing.
When we have daily access to thousands of mom-comparisons, we’re going to feel a pull to do them. No question. Because of that, we need to define what success looks like.
I asked a group of homeschool moms this week if there was one thing that could make their mom/school life easier for them to succeed and all of them, without exception, said mom life would be easier if they weren’t so busy.
When we’re running at a hundred miles an hour, why are we surprised that our kids are dragging behind? Or maybe you’re pushing your kids around to 10 activities at a hundred miles an hour. That sure feels fun (said no mom ever).
I was knocked in the gut by a quote from a podcast this week: “Love is incompatible with hurry.”
I’ve tried to wiggle out of that quote all week but it now lives on my fridge as a reminder that I can’t do both. I have to pick one or the other. I’m either rushing around my kids, or I’m loving them. (Yes, it feels yucky in my stomach to read that, too.)
So what on earth is success then?! Being slow? That sounds impossible (said every mom always).
Here’s where I’m starting. The question is: what’s the MOST important? Academics? Money? Sports? Friends?
If I know anything, I know that whatever we view as mos important, will automatically make something else less important. Let’s be exceedingly careful with what we’re inadvertently making less important. What are your top three things that are most important for your motherhood? If running around like a chicken with your head cut off isn’t on your list of most important, maybe it’s time to rethink things.
Meet your farmer – Liz Gerdes. She and her husband run a farm-to-table raw milk dairy and Airbnb in Caledonia, Minn. They empower moms (and dads) to confidently feed their families nutrient-dense food using farm fresh milk! Visit gerdesfreshfarm.com or follow her on Facebook @gerdesfreshfarm or Instagram @gerdesliz for more info.
Easy Peanut Chocolate Clusters
1 cup smooth peanut butter
600 g salted peanuts
16 oz. chocolate almond bark
1 bag semi-sweet chocolate chips
Holiday sprinkles (optional)
Flake salt sprinkle for the top (optional)
- Add all ingredients to a crockpot
- Set to cook on low for 1 hour, stirring at the half an hour mark.
- When the chocolate is completely melted, stir once again to coat the peanuts in chocolate.
- Place muffin cup liners on a baking sheet.
- Use the cookie scoop to drop the candy mixture into the liners.
- Top candy clusters with festive sprinkles.
- Move to the refrigerator to set for about an hour.
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