Technically, nothing is lost until I stop looking for it. Most men have a favorite shirt. Someone said, “You look good in that shirt.” Boom! That’s his favorite shirt. We’d wear that shirt every day if we could get by with it. I know a grown man in Alaska who owns only two shirts. They’re identical. I stood in front of the closet. I moved my eyes and hands to every shirt … [Read more...]

The Inuit have 50 names for snow cones. Last year, a nice woman told me she had attended the State Fair on each of its 12-day run. She planned on doing the same thing this year. She lives closer to the fairgrounds than I do. A trip to the State Fair eats up an entire day for me and part of the next. The sounds of the fair become my three-day earworm. I’ve engaged in purposeful … [Read more...]

I’m an apex predator hunting for radishes, vital ingredients in a radish sandwich.  I picked a couple of cucumbers while I was at it.     No, I didn’t have a cat that needed scaring. I’ve never known a cat that was frightened of cucumbers.   I like cucumbers. I share them with my neighbor Crandall, who  misplaced his glasses and planted a packet of M&M’s instead. I was a … [Read more...]

I couldn’t see a sun in the sky. It had either overslept or clouds covered it. I took a deep breath. I sucked up a couple of mosquitoes into my nose. They were small ones, about the size of robins. I said, “I love the smell of wet mosquitoes in the morning,” paraphrasing Robert Duvall, who, as Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore in the movie “Apocalypse Now,” said, “I love the … [Read more...]

Ouch, ouch, ouch! The water hit like thousands of tiny bricks being flung at me with incredible accuracy. I was being pelted with drops of water. It wasn’t a hard rain falling. It was hot water from a forceful shower. I’d intentionally set the showerhead to a superhero power. It was the “hurt me without doing any permanent damage” setting. Exiting the shower, I encountered … [Read more...]

I yawned. The average person yawns about 20 times a day. We yawn when we’re tired, bored, hungry or stressed. Theories say yawning wakes the brain, cools the brain or demonstrates empathy. A friend said she yawns every time she sees her dog yawn. Our cat rarely yawns. Of course, it sleeps 22 hours a day. I’d written about sleep several months ago. Then I nodded off.  … [Read more...]

The AC guy was out to make sure our air was conditioned. It reminded me that I should write something about air conditioning. I do so every couple of years to remind myself of how terrible I had it while growing up and how wonderful I had it while growing up. I didn’t grow up in the Dark Ages, but it was close. I grew up in the Dim Ages. Things weren’t as bright as they are … [Read more...]

Did you hear about the Iowa man who moved to Minnesota? Some of his siblings thought he was being downwardly mobile, but my father wasn’t about to be deterred from entering the world of infinite improbabilities that awaited him in the Gopher State. Dad could be as stubborn as a mule’s grandpa. According to a poll by a company that does polls, all 50 states tied for the … [Read more...]

Life is changed faster than underwear. My Grandpa Cook and my Grandpa Batt both lived their entire lives without seeing a single amusing cat video online. I knew men who traveled so seldom, they couldn’t find their way out of the county with a map that was paid for. A guy told me his false teeth didn’t fit. Every time he sneezed, his wife ducked. Another said he didn’t know … [Read more...]

Someone should write a song about it. Spring is filled with hints and hopes. I recall walking face-first into a fly ribbon meant to catch flies. It had caught flies, and the side of my face joined them in a sticky predicament. For a moment, I felt unequal to the new challenge. Fly ribbon (tape, strip, paper) comes in a small tube from which the twisted ribbon emerges. That … [Read more...]