The day had been nearly copacetic. I walked indoors in a shopping mall because of the wet weather outdoors. Bob Dylan had predicted it when he wrote, “And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard. And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.” I like Dylan, but sometimes his needle becomes stuck. He’s a songwriter/singer and a crack meteorologist. He not only predicted … [Read more...]

I find things. Sometimes I find things funny. I can’t find things, too. I couldn’t find my camouflage socks. Sometimes I find things I can’t find funny. I found a glove the other day. I’m keeping it in case I find one for the other hand. My mother bought mittens for me and put them directly into my grade school’s lost and found shelf. Family legend said it was a rare … [Read more...]

My father was outstanding in his field. As a farmer, he spent a lot of time in the dairy barn, but it seemed like he was always in the field. He dedicated a significant part of his life to riding our collection of farm tractors – Allis-Chalmers (orange), Farmall (red) and Oliver (green). Sometimes he’d get so busy in the field that he’d forget about eating. This didn’t go … [Read more...]

The day had a lot of moving parts and one too many unmoving parts. Someone, who happened to be me, stubbed his toe. If I’d meant to have done that, I’d have gotten an A+ on the assignment. I was up early to avoid sloth when the leg of the bed initiated an attack and forced me to defend myself. I hadn’t put hammer to stone and created a masterpiece the day before, but I’d … [Read more...]

It was too dark too early too soon. Pumpkin spice lurked in a dark alley where hoodies make people look like walking chrysalises. September is a handy place to start fall. Autumn means it’s not winter yet, butterfly wings are tattered and the pickleball fantasy league comes to a screeching halt. I can see the seasons change in the birds. They’re wearing their work clothing … [Read more...]

My body’s check engine light came on. Eventually, we become like our old car or aging house – fix, fix, fix. I was taught to never sit until I was invited. That has led to uncomfortable times for me in waiting rooms, which stretched the concept of time. But soon, a nurse held my hand with her two strong ones. I was lightheaded. The room was spinning. I had heart palpitations. … [Read more...]

I used to know a lot of people named Merle. I saw the name of one Merle I knew on a gravestone and thought, “No wonder I haven’t seen him around.” A Merle, who was part of a large family, told me he got his name because his mother had run out of other names. I still know a fair number of Merles, but not as many as I did. Maybe they’re making up in quality for what they lack … [Read more...]

I was on a chicken bus in Mexico. It was called that because chickens sometimes rode the bus to market. A woman seated in the rear of the bus I was on held a live chicken – a little red hen. The bus driver ground the gears on every shift as the vehicle struggled uphill. He couldn’t be blamed, as the shift lever on the floor was at an odd angle, indicating it had been … [Read more...]

The garage door opener is a wonderful invention. I used to have to get out of my car in the pouring rain and dodge lightning bolts while I yelled, “Lower the drawbridge” or “Open sesame” before grunting the door open manually. No more. I pressed the garage door opener and the door lifted as I sat comfortably in my car and marveled that the door knew where to go and when to … [Read more...]

We knew little, but we suspected a lot. Each day was a test we hadn’t studied for back in the time before Vanna White landed her demanding letter-turning gig. In a world filled with “aww” and “eww,” there were many mysteries. If medicine was good for us, why did it taste bad? Are the crusts of sandwiches good for us? Why do some people cut sandwiches diagonally? When I was … [Read more...]

It was a fly year. It was hot and humid, and the flies were sticky. Flies were left, right and center. I’d finished a gig of telling stories at a fair. People had been milling about, but now there was a lull. Feeling peckish, I procured a malt and looked for shade. I found it where wooden cable spools acted as tables and looked like the yo-yos of a fee-fi-fo-fum-sized giant. … [Read more...]

I slipped the surly bonds of the unfair and leaped like a graceful gazelle onto the county fairgrounds. It was fairly fabulous. People, lights, music and the racket of the carnival. There were fewer people than at an average Taylor Swift concert, but there was a sound carried by the fair air that reverberated as if a thousand people were standing in a corner and yelling … [Read more...]

I was traipsing down the magically delicious aisles of a grocery store. That’s the breakfast cereal aisle. I used to like breakfast cereals with things like a frogman in the box. “They swim... They dive... They surface... All by themselves!” There were three U.S. Navy Frogmen available in boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes: an obstacles scout, a … [Read more...]

I’d turn pro if there was an apologetic league. I can say “I’m sorry” with the best of them. I can say “I was wrong,” but it takes more effort. My difficulty is nothing compared to politicians who refuse to admit being wrong even when provided with irrefutable proof of their errors (there’s no bottom to politics) or from economists who claim to have been right even when … [Read more...]

We were as young as we’d ever be. It was a major celebration. Nobody can throw a wingding like a small town. There were class reunions, a dance, a car show, a parade and a bocce ball tournament. The same team wins the bocce ball tournament each year. They’re the Atlanta Braves of bocce ball. I had the pleasure of selling used books as a fundraiser for the library. How do we … [Read more...]