“How is life treating you?” a friendly caller asked, just checking in with me. It wasn’t. I had to pay for everything. And nothing cost 5 or 10 cents. My moth-er and my aunts often referenced Five and Dime Stores, also known as variety stores, which were retail stores that offered a wide selection of low-priced merchandise. Frank Woolworth opened the country’s first … [Read more...]

I enjoy walking to the mailbox. It’s a pleasant task. I also enjoy visiting the recycling bins conveniently located behind Hartland University, the local dispensary of adult beverages, whose Facebook post during a recent March thunder blizzard (Thunder, wind and snow – woohoo!) read: “Hartland University will be open and on time today. All classes will be in person; no … [Read more...]

They were checking to see if I were an alien life form. I appreciated their efforts because I’d always wondered if I might be one. I was placed on my back and slid headfirst into a magnetic tube. It looked as if it’d be possible to get a tan while I was in there. I’d never been in a luge, but I felt as if I was in a sled on which one races in a supine position. By … [Read more...]

I’d walked by one of those little free libraries on my way to the cafe. It shushed me. We needed one of those libraries when The Table of Infinite Knowledge gathered at the Eat Around It Cafe. It’s a playground during recess. It’s a place where the world sometimes makes sense. That’s all we ask. It was right smart weather we were having. “Right smart” means … [Read more...]

We are spoiled. I once sat around a dimming campfire, holding a flashlight under my chin and telling my grandchildren that I’d once left home without my phone. That scary story provided nightmares for years. I watched a dairy cow. She wasn’t holding a flashlight under her chin and telling frightening stories to calves about eating hay with a thistle in it. She was … [Read more...]

The dog wouldn’t fetch. So, I pulled the Sunday newspaper from our rural mailbox. I lugged it to my father, who read the comics to me. The funny pages were a wonderland of color and wit. My father added voices that brought “Dennis the Menace,” “Marmaduke,” “Peanuts,” “Beetle Bailey,” “Mark Trail” and “Dick Tracy” to life. I enjoyed “Pogo” and “Li’l Abner,” but I didn’t … [Read more...]

“There were no flies on Frank that morning.” A popular nonsensical poem titled “No Flies on Frank” starts that way in John Lennon’s book, “In His Own Write.” Frank didn’t have a good day, even without flies. I heard a store clerk, ringing up a purchase, ask a customer, “How’s it going?” “I’m having a little problem with my ears.” “Good to hear,” said the clerk. The clerk, … [Read more...]

Finders, keepers. Losers, weepers. I don’t believe that idiom. I’ve found lost wallets, purses, a laptop computer, a tablet, cellphones, a camera, a spotting scope, car keys, dogs, used bubble gum and a class ring. I turned them all over to the proper authorities and trust they were reunited with their owners. I was telling stories in Illinois when I found a thick wallet … [Read more...]

When one door closes, another door opens. I had a Chevy pickup like that. Other than that minor failing, it was a trusty steed. Of course, it went nowhere without jumper cables, and the pickup was equipped with an engine block heater to fool the motor into thinking it was parked in Miami on a below-zero day here. By that time in my life, I’d owned two kinds of automobiles: … [Read more...]

We’ve all had brushes with fame. Maybe you’ve met a teacher or a nurse, or shook hands with a firefighter or a police officer. I sang with Tom Petty once.  It’s a golden memory I’ve pressed into my little black book of golden memories. It was just the one song—”Runnin’ Down a Dream.” That was enough.  Tom Petty was on the radio, and I was backing my car out of … [Read more...]