We weren’t circumnavigating the globe like Magellan. My wife and I were at a flea market in Mission, Tex. Flea markets are more common than fleas in the Lower Rio Grande Valley. Alex Tilley had searched high and low for a durable sailing hat that matched his passion for the outdoors. He couldn’t find one, so he created one. My wife bought me a Tilley Hat at that flea market … [Read more...]
I’d Fallen Prey to the Treachery of an Ambitious Appetite
I made the mistake of ordering two pancakes from a delightful cafe. I ordered nothing more than the two pancakes. The problem wasn’t that they weren’t good. The pancakes were spectacularly toothsome. The problem was that each one was the size of a manhole cover. They flopped all around the edge of a large plate. If I were the kind to take photos of my food, I’d have taken a … [Read more...]
Three Experienced Piano Movers Who Aren’t for Hire at Any Price
It was a lovely day. The birds were singing. They were singing, “Ya got trouble, folks! Right here in River City. Trouble with a capital “T” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for piano!” That’s right, there was a storm looming on the horizon. We’d bought a house that came equipped with a piano. The piano had been placed in the basement, and the rest of the house … [Read more...]
147,989th in Line to Become King of the Cowboys
He was a cowboy. There was no doubt. He never missed an episode of “Gunsmoke.” He’d seen all 635 episodes at least twice. He thought Marshal Matt Dillon should have been president. He even listened to the singing cowboy, Gene Autry, when his ears had a vacancy. He tried watching a TV series called “Yellowstone,” but found it resembled “The Godfather” or “The Sopranos” more … [Read more...]
The Day Reuben Nearly Lost His Spunk
He’d been a spunky boy. Everyone said so – his parents, teachers and family elders. He had way too much energy for those who weren’t morning people. “You’ve got spunk,” Lou Grant said to Mary Richards on the first episode of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” And then Grant added, “I hate spunk.” Reuben loved spunk. He worried he was losing something that had defined his … [Read more...]
There’s no Need to Duck, Duck, Buckle Up When a Gulp of Swallows Attacks
“Fasten your seatbelts; it’s going to be a bumpy night.” That famous line, often misquoted as “Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride,” was spoken by a past-her-prime actress with a flair for drama named Margo Channing, played by Bette Davis, in the movie “All About Eve,” released in 1950. The film was based on the 1946 short story “The Wisdom of Eve” by Mary … [Read more...]
Those are the Rules – Like ‘em or Lump ‘em
You grew up in a weird family. Everyone did. The International Order of the Wacky and Quirky Rulemakers created most of the rules, but each family was given considerable latitude in making or changing rules for the weirder. Most people can remember bringing a significant other home to meet the family. That was stress-inducing. Much preparation was required to cover all … [Read more...]
Passwords Just Want to be Remembered
If you find a quiet place, lean in and listen hard, you’ll hear a reverberating sound. It’s produced by multitudes clicking on “Forgot your password?” A friend said, “I used to be able to remember all my passwords.” He was a friend, so I didn’t reply, “That’s because you had no passwords to remember in your used-to-be days.” He griped that each time he changed a … [Read more...]
You Might Change the World or You Might Change its Diaper
Graduates remember everything a speaker says as, “Blah, blah, blah.” I was at a graduation ceremony during a high school’s last roundup. The institution was down to its final three graduates. The salutatorian gave a talk before the valedictorian did her spiel. The one I was there to see grab a diploma didn’t give a speech. I knew where his class ranking was – last. He … [Read more...]
Coffee, Like Duct Tape in a Cup, Fixes Things
His handwritten works featured jittery penmanship. But it’s no wonder Honoré de Balzac was prolific. He published scores of novels, novellas, plays and short stories. The author had ink in his blood, but his blood might have been nothing but coffee. Whether it’s legend or simply internet malarkey, I’ve read that he drank 50 cups of coffee a day – 51 cups when he needed an … [Read more...]
