January is the perfect time to get a good deal on a Christmas tree. January is when we realize Canada’s major exports are cold fronts. I have a favorite cereal bowl. It’s plain in color. It might be beige. It has no cartoon characters on it. I like bowls better than bowl games. Here’s a tip for you, never order a plate of soup. I’d just polished off a bowl of oatmeal when a … [Read more...]

I opened the door and a robed visitor accompanied by sitar music walked in out of the dimming twilight. The renowned mystic from the Far East part of the township, the fabled soothsayer, the seventh son of the seventh son of the seventh son, the oracle from just down the road; Swami Davis, Jr. stopped by to give me his predictions for 2021. He knows little but suspects a lot. … [Read more...]

I don’t care if we have a white Christmas. There, I’ve said it. Such an utterance is nearly a sacrilege. I remember going to see the Christmas tree man each year. He was destined to sell Christmas trees according to a neighbor who claimed the man’s head comes to a point. We bought the cheapest Christmas tree in the lot, only seeds would have cost less. The tree had a lived-in … [Read more...]

I heard a bird singing merrily on high. It was a crow. It was 30 years ago. I still played basketball. After a hard-fought battle on the hardwood, I stopped at a supermarket to make my shopping list happy. There was a stack of heated dog dishes by the door. They were not big sellers as they’d been reduced to $2. I bought one as any big spender would have. I should have bought … [Read more...]

What’s your favorite part of living where you do? How would you describe where you live in a single sentence? Did you mention the weather in your second answer but not the first? Someone from southern Alabama called and offered me a writing gig. He asked about the weather. That’s obligatory. I told him I was putting the skis on my rocking chair. A caller from … [Read more...]

I put my car into reverse. That took me back. I thought about dog names. I’d been listening to an audiobook that mentioned a dog’s name. Bella and Max are the most popular names for dogs today. I’ve been fortunate to hang out with a good number of dogs during my existence but none of whom were named Bella or Max. The reverse gear took me to a day before Christmas back … [Read more...]

By Al Batt I woke up one morning. That’ was the good part. I woke up and realized I had too much junk and I’m the only one who wants the junk I don’t want anymore. Let me clarify that: I’m the only person in the world who ever wanted my junk and I no longer want it. That didn’t give me a euphoric feeling, but discernment doesn’t come just for my beatitude. Everyone in my … [Read more...]

This year it’s turkey, stuffing and masked potatoes. I remember another rough patch at Thanksgiving back when Grandma was still living. We had a small turkey that year. There was a message tied to one of its legs. She didn’t worry about finding the perfect turkey. She knew it didn’t exist. James Beard, the late chef, said, “Food is our common ground, a universal … [Read more...]

The first vehicle I fell in love with wasn’t a Corvette or a Mustang. It was a bookmobile. I miss libraries. I know some are open, but the ones I haunt offer limited services. I still get books, but I do so without entering a library. My screen had gone wavy, so I knew it was a flashback to a day in high school, back when girls introduced me to their mothers, “This is Al … [Read more...]

By Al Batt “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just like, your opinion, man.” The Dude said that in The Big Lebowski. I enjoy movies that make me laugh. I was almost in a movie when I appeared with the famous producer, director and Opie, Ron Howard — or a guy who looked like him — in the same airport. And I sat next to a massive St. Bernard in a movie theater. What was the dog … [Read more...]