I was certain it was a trap to lure me out of hiding and bring me to justice for not turning in my slide rule. I struck out into the unknown. There had been bygone days when gas was cheap and I’d stay on a road just to see where it went. With so much road work ahead of me, I’m never sure where any road will take me. A GPS gives directions with a caveat on what could go wrong. … [Read more...]
The grackle mob put out a contract on my door
I was skipping across the yard. It was more stumbling than skipping. The day traveled at warp speed as I filled a trailer with purposeless lumber. I was laser-focused on slaving away while trying not to be eaten by stable flies. It’s difficult to hit a small fly with a two-by-four. I hate to be interrupted when I’m working unless it’s by a bird, company, a ballgame, food, a … [Read more...]
Investing my time in an NFT (Non-fungible tanager)
A Canada goose sounded like a car horn in need of tinkering. It was an avian tickle as I knuckled the sleep from my eyes. I was teaching writing classes and took some college kids on a nature walk at daybreak in a lovely park, which was one of my happy places. We met in a parking lot. I was easy to find. I’m a miler. You could tell a mile away that I was a birder. Binoculars, … [Read more...]
Each day is a gift you can’t return
I didn’t have to herd cats. My shirt had as many buttons as buttonholes and there were more hills than pills in my life. Those three things are wins in my book. Life is made up of small victories. Here are more. My pillow hadn’t had a restless night and my socks matched. No one had unleashed the flying monkeys. I dropped something on the kitchen floor and it didn’t … [Read more...]
You conquered the grind, now clang the grad gong
Angry hailstones the size of bowling balls had battered my poor car. That was not on my to-do list. OK, the hailstones weren’t quite that large, but that’s what I told my insurance company. That’s not true, either. I haven’t called them. I did call my health insurance company because they denied a $3,000 bill from the clinic because I’d had the right test done at the wrong … [Read more...]
I can’t deal with cards even with an automatic shuffler
Hasenpfeffer, euchre, hucklybuck, sheepshead and pepper. Are they personal injury attorneys? Nope. Card games. Hasenpfeffer (pfeffer) is also a rabbit stew. Hucklybuck is sometimes called hucklebuck. Euchre, shouldn’t be mistaken for Bob Uecker, the Milwaukee Brewers broadcaster who played the announcer Harry Doyle in the movie “Major League” and said things like, “Heywood … [Read more...]
Don’t even think about texting while bungee jumping
He hadn’t run amok. He’d bungeed amok. The historical society hosted a program on ghost towns. Most of the settlements had been tiny and failed because the railroad didn’t come their way, the people didn’t arrive as expected or the residents forgot where they’d put the village. Some of the names were Bancroft, Bath, Buckeye, Crayon Park, Dorwart, Knatvold, Lerdal and Sigsbee. … [Read more...]
The wind brings uninvited gusts to my place
The trees gossiped in the wind. “It’s a nice day, except for the wind,” says everybody capable of putting eight words together. I’ve been picking up sticks in the yard. Great crop this year. I’ve picked rocks, too. It’s a spring habit. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick. The wind finds branches or limbs with weaknesses, rips them free and deposits … [Read more...]
Good tires and air — gifts that keep on giving
Who hasn’t had a flat tire? Other than those people who don’t drive a car, truck, bicycle, lawn mower, tractor, motorhome, airplane, tire swing or submarine. I threw in the submarine to see if you were paying attention. I was in an airplane that blew a tire when landing at the Denver airport. On the subject of airplanes, a different flight had been delayed, canceled, took … [Read more...]
The case of the purloined 3/8-inch combination wrench
I’ve never wrestled with a grizzly bear with an impacted tooth or tangled with a mountain lion that had just lost his job in the biotech industry, but I have been the victim of a fly-by pooping by a gang of ruthless gulls and had a run-in with a Canada goose. I called the honker a “wawa,” which is a Native American name for a Canada goose. The gander took exception to that and … [Read more...]