Photo by Al Batt
The movie showed an Army radio telephone operator trying to communicate during a battle. The radioman used the NATO phonetic alphabet, which assigns 26 words, one each to a letter of the English alphabet. The purpose is to eliminate confusion or miscommunication when someone spells words aloud over a phone or radio. It adds clarity to the message by using A: Alpha, B: Bravo, C: Charlie, D: Delta, E: Echo, etc. As a boy, I’d use it when giving my name over the phone. Alpha, Lima, Lima, Echo, November. Bravo, Alpha, Tango, Tango. What a clever lad I was. It’s a shame I outgrew that.
Minnesotans complain about the summer’s humidity and brag about the cold in winter. Most people in the United States have heard of Minnesota. Just think of that. And we have the most Minnesotans of any state. I love Minnesota enough that I stay here in the winter. I may not be perfect, but I’ve been to Minnesota, and that’s close enough.
All that’s missing is a Minnesota phonetic alphabet. Suggestions and several alternatives for that alphabet follow.
A – Apple. Honeycrisp apples are divine.
B – Blizzard. Or the Boat where people put their money.
C – Cottonwood. Tree or city. Balm of Gilead is an herbal remedy made from the buds of the tree, but not from the Buds of the city. There aren’t enough men named Bud there.
D – Duck, duck, gray duck. It’s the right thing to play.
E – Ew! As in “Ew! Is that lutefisk?”
F – Fireflies. People love them because they aren’t afraid to use their blinkers. Forsooth (indeed) is a good backup. I like that word.
G – Goodbye. The Minnesota goodbye is a 10-step program.
H – Hubert Horatio Humphrey. Or Hockey. Minnesota is the state of hockey, even though the NHL’s Stanley Cup is typically won by teams from hockey hotbeds like North Carolina, Florida and Las Vegas. Hotdish, as in tater tot hotdish. Anyone who says casserole instead of hotdish is uppity.
I – Iowa.
J – Jolly, as in the Jolly Green Giant.
K – Kiester. In 2016, the city of Kiester became the filming location for a Preparation H commercial.
L – Lakes. Our license plates proclaim we have 10,000 of them. The DNR says that’s an undercount and we have 11,842 lakes of 10 acres or more, yet the MNDNR database suggests there might be 14,380. The USGS found 21,871 water basins with 2.5 acres or more.
M – Mosquitoes. Our skeeters are big enough that if you slap one, it slaps you back. The best mosquito deterrent is a 12-gauge shotgun.
N – Nimrod. A small Minnesota city.
O – Ole of Ole and Lena jokes. Ole called a travel agent and asked how long it took to fly from Minneapolis to Norway. The agent, looking it up, said, “Just a minute.” Hearing that, Ole said, “Never mind. That plane goes too fast. I’ll take the bus.”
P – Pop. Those who don’t know any better call it soda or soft drink. Pity them.
Q – Qcumber. Sorry about that. Let’s go with Quicksand. Watch your step.
R – Rushmore. Mount Rushmore has only four men. Rushmore, Minnesota, has a population of 365.
S – Spam. Or Spring, the one of our 40 seasons in which we’re expected to bring firewood to high school softball and baseball games.
T – Tower. The state’s record-low temperature was -60 degrees on February 2, 1996, in Tower. By February 8, it had warmed to 48 degrees above zero.
U – Uffda! As in “Uffda! I can’t believe it, but I do.”
Minnesota has more shoreline than California, Hawaii and Florida. The three states combined have 168,918 miles of shoreline, including rivers, streams, lakes and oceans. Minnesota has 183,326 miles.
V – Vikings. A team destined to disappoint, just like the proprietor of Disappointment Hardware, who says, “We might have what you need, but I doubt it.”
W – Winter, when a slice of the population tries to avoid the ice, snow and cold by flying close to the sun. It’s summer now, but don’t fret. Winter will be here soon.
X – Xercise. That doesn’t work. Let’s go with X.
Y – You betcha.
Z – Zoo. As in, “Driving on 494 is a zoo.”
Minnesota is a word meaning, “Depending on the weather.”
You can depend on that.
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