By Micah Steffens
I’ve come to a point in my life where I actually have to think about being an adult. One who contributes to society instead of being in high school and buying scratch-offs in the morning to flex my “adulthood” to my classmates. To be honest, it’s kind of a scary thought. But this realization also led to a bit of reflection. A reflection on my time in what has always been normal, and the thing that fills my weekdays nine months out of the year.
I went to Mabel-Canton up until second grade, where I learned that my third grade would start at Fillmore Central Elementary. I, of course, objected, but I didn’t really get a say in the matter. I am glad I switched when I did, and to where I did. I didn’t know it yet but I would make friends who I am thankful to have met, and opportunities I wouldn’t have had anywhere else, or really wanted anywhere else. Elementary school didn’t give me much besides memories, like sledding down the big hill beside the school and a friend of mine shooting milk out of his nose.
Middle school was a major period of change in my life. I finally began to get a little taller after being a fairly short kid growing up, and my mental state changed with me too. I would say that I have always been mindful of others’ feelings, and middle school brought me even more empathy than I already had, and I’m quite glad. I enjoy being very empathetic, and I think our world, from small towns like what we have in Fillmore County to whole countries, could use a little more empathy within people. Another key detail of this time was COVID, and going from elementary to middle school during a pandemic was a nightmare. Personally, you could never pay me to go back and try to learn through Zoom calls. Not fun.
I was actually quite excited to start high school. It made me feel like I was already grown up despite only going into ninth grade. I remember trying to go with different trends, and never really being good at it, especially when it came to dressing (I eventually gave up and would wear sweatshirts and jeans exclusively up to my senior year). I will say though, growing up when dressing like bright Sharpie highlighters were viewed as proper attire, I excelled at it.
Bad fashion aside, high school is really the biggest wakeup call I think I and many others will ever have. From being more self conscious and learning about what kind of person you are, who you want as your friends, and what you want to do in your life really is a shock. In my mind, my biggest worry was my future. What did I want to be when I graduated? What was I going to do with my life? It felt more like a prison sentence. I thought for sure that I would know what I wanted to do in life by ninth grade, and I can tell you that I was stupid for thinking that. For a while, I felt ashamed to not know what I wanted to do with my life. But after reflecting, I realized something. Why should I be ashamed of myself for not knowing what I want? I mean, you can’t expect an 18-year-old to just know for sure that they want to do one specific thing for the next 50 years. We all change as we grow, and trying to set down some sort of metaphorical anchor in your mind to not float away in a sea of change is just silly. That was my biggest takeaway from panicking about adult life. I will change, the world will change, and people will change around me. Thinking I need my future laid out at this very moment up until I’m on my deathbed is just unreasonable. That mindset brings me a bit of peace in a crazy time, and I enjoy the thought of using my early adult life to learn what I want to put my time and effort into. And to those worrying about the future, embrace not knowing what to expect, or what to do. It’s a lot easier than worrying about what to do for the next whatever amount of years you plan on working. We all eventually find our one thing we want to use to make a name for ourselves..
Micah Steffens is a Fillmore Central High School student, one of 10 area students participating in the Journal Writing Project, now in its 27th year.
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