What if “I do” wasn’t about taking? FamilyLife Today sends a daily marriage tip to my inbox. The subject never fails to give me pause. “I Do Every Day,” it reads, followed by whatever topic is being covered for that day.
The first “I Do” I said on my wedding day in response to the long string of intense questioning about having and holding, forsaking all others, in sickness, in health, in poverty, and wealth, as long as you both shall live seems “normal” because I expect it… but what if we said it every day?
How would life be different if EVERY day was my “I Do”?
In all likelihood, that is a painful question for some of us. Maybe marriage today looks differently than you thought. Maybe YOU look differently than you thought. No one goes to the altar expecting a bad time.
But life has a way of always being life, no matter which way you slice it.
I’m so sad that the negative “I Do’s” are so much easier than the positive ones.
Think about it.
“I do all the work around here!”
“I do all the bedtime routines!”
“I [do] put more effort in for our marriage than you do!”
“I [do] speak your love language, why don’t you speak mine!”
“I [do] give everything for our kids, why can’t you see me?”
“I [do] love/respect you, why don’t you love/respect me!?”
“I [do] love you, why do you need me to speak it in a certain way?!”
At the end of the day, I think these are simply personal pleas for recognition.
Quite the reverse, the wedding day “I Do” is a commitment in SPITE of recognition. It’s committing to your spouse even if all falls through – regardless of their recognition.
Marriage was actually designed as an illustration of Christ giving himself to die and save humanity. This had nothing to do with recognition, or mutual back-scratching. His love was and is a free gift – irrespective of my performance.
How would life look differently if we loved the same? (Regardless of performance and never ending.) Sounds a lot like perfection to me. Sounds too hard.
You may be thinking, “Thank you for the daily dose of impossibility to water my garden of marital depression, farm lady. Super helpful.”
I hear you. And I agree. It’s too hard. So maybe let’s do it like a baby. One. Step. At. A. Time.
What if we just started with ONE “I Do” today?
Could we do one? I think I can do one.
What if we chose to GIVE an “I Do” today rather than looking for one?
What if we stood at the altar – today – and did it all again? Not for recognition – but for choice.
If we realized that “I Do’s” are a daily decision, I think we’d see that our wedding day “I Do” was simply the birth of 10,000more.
I’m guessing life would look a whole lot sweeter for everyone involved if we all woke up looking for a chance to give an “I Do” rather than take one.
I’ve had 4,982 days since my original “I Do” on my wedding day. In all honesty, I wish I could do many of those days over again. I wish I could go back and have a little chat with myself and make myself realize that giving the “I Do” is way better than fighting over getting one. I guess growth happens when we are stretched, so I can be thankful for my mishaps.
I want the next 11 years to stand tall on the shoulders of the first 12 though. I don’t want to stay the same. I want to grow. I’m sure you do too. I think it starts with today’s “I Do.”
I once heard a wise couple say “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.”
If you want a thriving marriage, maybe it’s time to try something new. Maybe it’s time to give an “I Do” rather than wait for your spouse to give one to you. If we WANT a different outcome in our marriage, maybe we should change our input!
Let’s start with today’s “I Do.”
Meet your farmer – Liz Gerdes. She and her husband run a farm-to-table raw milk dairy. They empower moms to confidently feed their families nutrient-dense food using farm fresh milk! Visit gerdesfreshfarm.com or follow her on Facebook @gerdesfreshfarm or Instagram @gerdesliz for more info.
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