Buying used underwear. That has nothing to do with this column, but I had to start it some way. Our refrigerator doesn’t have an icemaker. We have refrigerator magnets in there because the door was fully covered. It’s nice when the ice leaves the lakes, but it’s wonderful when the ice leaves my driveway. Anyone who lived through the Ice Ages knows that exhilaration. There … [Read more...]

I felt like I should be pulling a semitrailer. I lost my wedding band while I was wearing cargo pants. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking my wedding band retired to Florida where they play ancient rock and roll at senior citizen centers. Not that wedding band. I’ve lost them too, but what I’m writing about is the wedding band I wore on my ring finger. I walked … [Read more...]

I took a sales course early in my life. One thing stressed in the course was that how a man dressed could be telling of his character. The world has become much more casual in dress since then. I gave a eulogy recently. I have given many, each one has been a great honor and a humbling experience. As the inscription on the sundial reads, “I wait for no one.” When I was a … [Read more...]

He had a voice like a truck rolling north on I-35. “I’ll tell you what winter isn’t.” He paused to let the anticipation build. The clock in my brain ticked, “One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi...” I waited because I wanted to hear. People are fond of telling us what  winter is, but seldom tell us what it isn’t. “It’s no picnic,” he said solemnly. I … [Read more...]

I knew him a little, but not a lot. “How are you doing?” I asked.He responded by telling me he was all bound up. I didn’t think it had anything to do with being snowbound and I was right. He went into excruciating detail. Some people shouldn’t be asked how they are doing. My family didn’t tell fishing stories, brag about golf scores or go on about the cabin. We fished some, … [Read more...]

New Year’s Resolutions are something we hope other people make. There’s another year in the past. A riotous New Year’s Eve filled with hot and iced tea caused me to fall asleep before midnight. As my wife woke me for a kiss, I heard a crunching sound. That’s seldom a good thing. My wife mumbled she’d stepped on a cat toy. The cat toy turned out to be my eyeglasses that the new … [Read more...]

Have you ever had one of those days when everything went right? I haven’t either. A friend claims winter is a joke and the punchline is too long. Back when solitaire was played with actual cards, I was a newly minted teenager who was sure we wouldn’t have school because of a storm. I didn’t mind blizzards much in those olden days because they led to snow days. I like … [Read more...]

The doorbell rang. I opened the door and a robed visitor accompanied by sitar music, walked in out of the dimming twilight. The renowned mystic from the Far East part of the township, the fabled soothsayer, the seventh son of the seventh son of the seventh son, the oracle from just down the road; Swami Davis Jr. stopped by with his predictions for 2023. He knows little but … [Read more...]

Lip lilac, visage violet or mug holly. My mother hung mistletoe in the doorways. I became a little boy avoiding females frequenting our domicile. Now, I try to avoid holiday songs that can make the world wince. Listening to Christmas music can be dangerous, don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Music filled the air of the festive and shiny store. Playing music in … [Read more...]

Carl became a school bus driver because he hated kids. We all knew that. He was good at his job, a safe driver who put many roads and kids behind him, but he was never happy to see us. No kid had ever seen him smile. I could tie my shoes and count by twos, so I sat in the 3rd-grade row of bus seats. We sorted ourselves. Younger kids in front, the older kids in the back. The … [Read more...]