I’ve eaten at the Take It Or Leave It Café four times. John Muir wrote about “toiling in the treadmills of life.” Regardless of what kind of treadmill you’re on, it builds an appetite and when you’re hungry, it’s not the journey, it’s the destination. I wanted to put the foot of my hunger into the stirrup of ingestion. I went looking for a delicious and nutritious … [Read more...]

Reindeer sweat isn’t a pretty thing. The temperature on Christmas Eve in my neighborhood set a record high of 52 degrees.  Not a single economist predicted that. The doorbell rang. I opened the door and a robed visitor accompanied by sitar music walked in out of the dimming twilight. The renowned mystic from the Far East part of the township, the fabled soothsayer, … [Read more...]

Into the mouth of the wolf, we go. I catch myself bundled beyond recognition and talking to a thermometer, “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to winter we go. Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of winter. It’s the Great White. Do you imagine the toothy grin of a shark? I picture the icicle smile of winter. It’s Gilligan’s Winter and we’re stuck in … [Read more...]

“I am not emotionally prepared for Christmas to be in December this year.”   I heard a friend say that. He’d waited so long to become an adult, only to discover that he wasn’t good at it.   “When are you going to put the Christmas lights up?” his wife asked.   “It’s too cold,” he replied. “I’m waiting until summer.”   “Then it will be too hot.”   “OK, I’ll do it next … [Read more...]

Alaska eats more ice cream per capita than any other state. My neighbor Crandall, who told his doctor he isn’t overweight, he’s just easy to see, doesn’t know for certain if Alaska eats that much ice cream, but he thinks it does. He’s been accused of suspecting more than he knows. Ragged clouds cling to Juneau and its sprawling mountains, fjords and ice fields. Juneau is a … [Read more...]

No jiggling of a handle was required. To prepare for the feast of feasts, the outhouse had been equipped with store-bought toilet paper and comforting peach papers. A Monkey Ward’s catalog was kept in reserve. We have Thanksgiving because we need to be reminded of all the beauty there is in the world. We were blessed but didn’t know those were the good old days. We had … [Read more...]

Flying is relaxing. It’s the kind of relaxation found in a clinic waiting room while you’re standing by to see a doctor. I was on my way to the “Second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.” Those are the words of J.M. Barrie and are Peter Pan’s directions to Neverland. I was headed to Haines, Alaska, in November. Marcus Aurelius said, “When you arise in the … [Read more...]

I remember the scariest Halloween of my life. I worked the late shift at a gas station. Besides pumping gas, my job was to check the oil, check the radiator, determine if the tires had a sufficient amount of air, wash the windshield, windows and mirrors, check the lights, give directions, offer a free road map, tell a joke, collect the money and do it all cheerfully. I also … [Read more...]

The “normal” ship has sailed and it didn’t have many passengers. I wasn’t on board. Our habits keep us from boarding that ship. We have the bad habit of having bad habits. Bad habits keep us standing on the dock and are hard to give up because nobody likes a quitter. It’s the Minnesota way to conquer bad habits by replacing them with good habits. I tend to my good behaviors. … [Read more...]

The day had been nearly copacetic. I walked indoors in a shopping mall because of the wet weather outdoors. Bob Dylan had predicted it when he wrote, “And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard. And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.” I like Dylan, but sometimes his needle becomes stuck. He’s a songwriter/singer and a crack meteorologist. He not only predicted … [Read more...]