“Good morning,” I told myself. A guy I used to know said, “Morning.” No adjective added. He figured if the morning was good or not was up to the person he had greeted. It had been a significant storm. It was apparent that I hadn’t agreed to winter’s terms and conditions. I’d just clicked “yes” without reading. I endeavored to dodge the slings and arrows of winter. The … [Read more...]
It Might Have Been Better but it Could Have Been Worse
By Al Batt It was 4 a.m. on a 14-degree January day. If you’re a Minnesotan, you’re probably thinking, “It could have been worse. It could have been 14 degrees below zero.” That’s a good point, but it got worse. There was a massive fire, and every fire department in the county was called to the scene. Each department performed masterfully, as they always do. It got … [Read more...]
Fine Dining at the Eat Around It Cafe & Video Rental
I’ve eaten at the Take It Or Leave It Café four times. John Muir wrote about “toiling in the treadmills of life.” Regardless of what kind of treadmill you’re on, it builds an appetite and when you’re hungry, it’s not the journey, it’s the destination. I wanted to put the foot of my hunger into the stirrup of ingestion. I went looking for a delicious and nutritious … [Read more...]
There Will Be Weather Each Day Except Every Third Monday
Reindeer sweat isn’t a pretty thing. The temperature on Christmas Eve in my neighborhood set a record high of 52 degrees. Not a single economist predicted that. The doorbell rang. I opened the door and a robed visitor accompanied by sitar music walked in out of the dimming twilight. The renowned mystic from the Far East part of the township, the fabled soothsayer, … [Read more...]
My Winter Bucket List is a Short One: Stay Warm
Into the mouth of the wolf, we go. I catch myself bundled beyond recognition and talking to a thermometer, “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to winter we go. Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of winter. It’s the Great White. Do you imagine the toothy grin of a shark? I picture the icicle smile of winter. It’s Gilligan’s Winter and we’re stuck in … [Read more...]
No Pressure, but Burl Ives Wants Us To Be Both Holly and Jolly
“I am not emotionally prepared for Christmas to be in December this year.” I heard a friend say that. He’d waited so long to become an adult, only to discover that he wasn’t good at it. “When are you going to put the Christmas lights up?” his wife asked. “It’s too cold,” he replied. “I’m waiting until summer.” “Then it will be too hot.” “OK, I’ll do it next … [Read more...]
It Was Ice To Be There if Juneau What I Mean
Alaska eats more ice cream per capita than any other state. My neighbor Crandall, who told his doctor he isn’t overweight, he’s just easy to see, doesn’t know for certain if Alaska eats that much ice cream, but he thinks it does. He’s been accused of suspecting more than he knows. Ragged clouds cling to Juneau and its sprawling mountains, fjords and ice fields. Juneau is a … [Read more...]
You Know the Thanksgiving Dinner Ran Long When Santa Shows Up
No jiggling of a handle was required. To prepare for the feast of feasts, the outhouse had been equipped with store-bought toilet paper and comforting peach papers. A Monkey Ward’s catalog was kept in reserve. We have Thanksgiving because we need to be reminded of all the beauty there is in the world. We were blessed but didn’t know those were the good old days. We had … [Read more...]
If You Look for Enough Eagles, Everything Looks Like an Eagle
Flying is relaxing. It’s the kind of relaxation found in a clinic waiting room while you’re standing by to see a doctor. I was on my way to the “Second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.” Those are the words of J.M. Barrie and are Peter Pan’s directions to Neverland. I was headed to Haines, Alaska, in November. Marcus Aurelius said, “When you arise in the … [Read more...]
Halloween is a Sugar-Coated Day Until You Lose a Nostril
I remember the scariest Halloween of my life. I worked the late shift at a gas station. Besides pumping gas, my job was to check the oil, check the radiator, determine if the tires had a sufficient amount of air, wash the windshield, windows and mirrors, check the lights, give directions, offer a free road map, tell a joke, collect the money and do it all cheerfully. I also … [Read more...]