The dreaded invitation on fine paper with a beautiful bluejay arrived in the mail today. I knew it was coming, but I had done my best Scarlett O’Hara, “I’ll think about that tomorrow” routine for a couple of weeks! Now there was no denying it any longer! My options flashed through my brain. I was certainly attending this milestone class reunion, but there were a few problems. I knew that a facelift or Botox injections were out of my price range and pain tolerance. I knew I didn’t have enough discipline to lose 20 pounds. That left me with only ONE option: find the perfect outfit that would make me look younger, thinner, taller, and very sophisticated. When I asked my husband, who was in the same class, what he was wearing, he replied with a straight face, ”Clothes.” Then he fled, avoiding another rant about my wardrobe woes.
Janet Jackson may have had a “wardrobe malfunction” during a Super Bowl game, but I have had “wardrobe train wrecks” in the past. One occurred in 9th grade home economics class when we had to sew a dress and model it at a style show. My “C+” creation was a percale purple floral dress with a round neckline, puffy sleeves and rows and rows of rick-rack. I wore the dress only once in the style show and then used that dress as dust rags.
With that humiliation in mind, I decided a marathon shopping expedition was needed until I found the perfect outfit. After explaining some of this to my husband, he replied, “Calm down. Nobody really looks at what old women wear.” He meant this to be comforting! It did not work.
After literally several days of shopping in La Crosse, Winona, and Rochester, I was exhausted and frustrated. What to do? I felt like Chicken Little waiting for the sky to fall. Perhaps someone would cancel the reunion due to age related problems. Highly unlikely, because most of my classmates seemed like hearty, healthy folks. Maybe I could go to a counseling session to relieve my anxiety and rebuild my self-esteem. Then I remembered that I was a counselor! Maybe I could counsel myself.
I decided to become philosophical about this situation. Maybe other classmates had the same worries. With luck, they would show some signs of aging, too. Maybe other classmates just wanted to relive their youth by coming together after much time had passed. With this in mind I came up with this recipe.
Recipe for a Relaxing Reunion
Do not wear a Spandex body suit to make yourself look slimmer unless you plan never to eat, drink, or sit down at the reunion You will need to take several shallow breaths just to talk.
Do not wear extremely provocative (skimpy) clothing or dye your hair the color of the rainbow unless you enjoy that kind of notoriety.
Do not talk about your recent safari to Africa or your trip to the Great Wall of China unless you are willing to allot equal time to listening to a fellow classmate talk about his recent vacation to Wisconsin Dells.
Do not talk about the upkeep on your vacation villa in Italy or condo in Paris unless you are willing to allot equal time to listening to a fellow classmate talk about repainting his one residence in Minnesota.
Do not wear all six pieces of your diamond jewelry to the reunion. Most of us will assume they must be fake.
Do not show more than five or six pictures of your wildly successful, multi-talented, falling down gorgeous children and grandchildren unless you are willing to extend that courtesy to other classmates who have equally successful, talented, gorgeous children and grandchildren.
Braggers, bullies, and whiners often had to play alone on the elementary playground. Those personalities do not improve with age.
DO listen sincerely to classmates for 5 to 10 minutes. If they go on longer, politely excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. No one will question this excuse since we all need to use the restroom more often as we age.
Remember, kindness, compassion, and a good sense of humor never go out of style. These classmates were your very first friends. Remember the good times.
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