By Eric Lee
Harmony, MN
Here I am, writing, as the 4th of July approaches. I want to talk about one of my favorite things. Civil political debate. I love it. I love this country, and I love exploring where we might take it into the future. This sometimes gets me into trouble, because I even enjoy it online, on social media. And this can be, well, difficult. But I have engaged, online, and I have survived, and I think I have developed some rules that have worked for me, and I want to share them with you. Because I want to see us all having productive, constructive discussions to propel us into the future. Many of these will work in real, live, face to face discussion, as well. You’ll have to decide which ones.
OK, so you are ready to venture into an online discussion.
First rule: Don’t. Just walk away.
If you’re like me, that’s not going to happen, so we’ll start over. You probably came to this because you saw something you disagreed with, and just had to make things right.
We’ll just assume that your intentions are pure, and that you want to impart knowledge, and not simply troll folks.
First: You might be a little heated from whatever it was you saw. Take a breath. Imagine the person you are speaking with. Imagine that they are a caring person, genuinely interested in a common good, just like you. Now you are about ready to respond.
Second: What is your goal? Is it to change minds? Because if it is, again, just walk away. This was key to me enjoying online debate again. There is no winning.
Third: If you are ready to continue now, then form your point. What do you want to be understood? Prepare to make that point. Make it clearly, concisely, forcefully, but politely.
Fourth: Listen. Listen to what the other person is saying. Are they responding to you? Is there something you can learn of your own ideas in their responses? If they move to attacks, then reasonably defend your position.
Fifth: In case of unreasonable attacks, be ready to walk away. Always be ready to walk away. There are a lot of people who just want to see you blow up. Don’t give them that pleasure. Now, when the other person clearly isn’t responding to you, wish them a good day, and carry about your business. If they are trying to get you off your game, this is a great way to drive them crazy.
Sixth: This is a great chance to explore your own beliefs and ideas. By sharing them, and having someone push back, you will be better able to understand your own ideas. This becomes much easier to do, once you have let go of the idea of winning, and simply see where listening and responding takes you.
Seventh: If this is happening on social media, then it is possible that others will see the arguments you make, so be aware, not just of the person you are talking to, but also how you wish to be perceived by newcomers. This does wonders for keeping my tone civil, because again, I imagine, “What would I think of this person (me) if I were just tuning into this discussion?” I want to let people know that I am thoughtful and considerate. Sometimes, I will engage in a debate because I know that someone out there may be hurt by words that were said, and I want them to know that I am here with them, and to stand up for them.
If you’ve made it this far, then congratulations on engaging in constructive debate. The two things that helped me the most were to listen and to let go of winning. I have been so much more free to enjoy discussion, since realizing I am highly unlikely to change minds, particularly the one I’ve set out to.
So please, use these rules wisely for your debate enjoyment. Engage passionately. You may even get angry, and that’s okay. That happens when you care, and what could be better than arguing for something you care about. Hope you had a Happy 4th!