BY Liz Gerdes
“Great Marriages Don’t Just Happen”… I read the understatement of the century. Well, thanks, Captain Obvious! You’ve simultaneously discouraged me and insulted my intelligence in five words.
Of course great things take work. You’ve said nothing profound, Captain O.
I know if I want a weedless garden, it must be weeded.
A house must be cleaned.
Windows must be washed.
Crops require planting.
Obedient kids require teaching
Olympians require training
Workouts bring sweat.
Practice takes discipline.
See Captain O, I’m on to you. Of course great things don’t just happen. You’re… Obvious.
“Terrific!” says O, “then I assume you’ve weeded, cleaned, washed, planted, taught, trained, used discipline, and have broken a sweat for your marriage?”
Well… no, I’m very busy, you see. Life is so full… I work long hours. There isn’t much time at the end of the day among the REAL weeding, washing and planting. Maybe if my job was different, or my kids were easier, or my husband was more attentive, or my house was less crazy… THEN I could work on my marriage.
“But didn’t you just tell me that great things take work?” says O, unamused.
Touché my Obvious friend, touché.
If you’re like me, you’ve wrestled here before. Just because we “know” something, doesn’t mean we live that way.
I’ve got a pretty large gap between the obvious and my reality. How can we close that gap?
Last weekend, my husband Jonathan and I rolled up our sleeves and attended the Weekend to Remember marriage conference because “Great Marriages Don’t Just Happen.” Would you like to join us? Maybe watching us roll up our sleeves will help you roll up yours because marital greatness isn’t accidental.
So, let’s go together. And, I guess we’ll bring Captain Obvious too. Will this be easy? Nope.
Would staying home be easier? You bet your bottom!
But “easy” has never been a synonym of great… and I want a great marriage.
Friday morning –
preparing to leave
Let’s talk priorities… No one “wants” a struggling marriage. We’d all choose a fantastic marriage. But, I’d also choose six pack abs IF I didn’t have to do the work.
Wanting greatness but being unwilling to work for it is pretty silly when you think about it. Are we actually planning and working towards a great marriage, or are we just hoping for the best?
Friday evening –
opening session
A truth bomb… and a blowup. Within the first 15 minutes of the conference, we were handed a truth bomb. “No marriage is static,” we heard the speaker say. “You’re either paddling towards oneness, or you’re drifting toward isolation” and “Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.” -Sydney Harris
Then it blew up. We were asked to rate the oneness/isolation in our marriage on a 1-10 scale. Let’s just say we picked different numbers (which is normal), but neither of us realized how different they would be. In all honesty, this was the hardest part of the weekend.
When you think something is one way, and you find out it is another, it carries a mixed bag of emotions. There is a level of shock, disbelief, frustration, and sadness. Maybe you’re there too. Maybe your marriage feels isolated. This feels horrible.
But guess what?! You get to choose if you want to paddle towards oneness!
The trouble is, you’ve been lied to. Our culture sells a “quit when it’s hard” blueprint for marriage. Can you imagine if we sold that lie in other areas?! “Ok kids, repeat after me: If something is hard, JUST GIVE UP!!” Sounds pretty silly.
So what do we do with this “quit now” lie? Dish it some TRUTH!
The speakers explained that God has a marriage blueprint that is far better than your greatest expectations. He is the Designer and Hope for your hurting marriage.
Think about it: when your car breaks down, you don’t abandon it on the side of the road, you take it in to someone who knows what to do.
Same with marriage. take it to the Designer. He can help.
How? Visit www.gerdesfreshfarm.com/blog for the full blog.
Meet your farmer – Liz Gerdes. She is a local dairy farmer and friend to anyone who needs one. She helps moms feel amazing about what they feed their families, with farm fresh milk!
Visit gerdesfreshfarm.com or follow her on Facebook @gerdesfreshfarm for more info.
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