By Pastor Kevin Barnhart
Spring Grove Evangelical Free
I sometimes get angry at God. With the twists and turns of life, over the mountains and valleys that we all must transverse I have accumulated a myriad of tears and trials that can weigh like lead on my heart. Questions that seem lost in a vast abyss of silence … why not just run away; rail on God’s big powerful shoulders with every bit of my strength? Why keep going back to God? God might be great but if he is so great how could He be good? Not within the realities we all live in. People die, diagnosis loom large, jobs are lost, addictions plague us, kids starve, friends betray, life is a lot. Sometimes I just want to walk away from it all. Peter said this to Jesus, “Lord to whom shall we go?” To whom indeed. Peter, as you might also remember held profound love for Jesus, walked side by side with Him, served with Him, prayed with Him, and even still would deny Christ. Peter denied Jesus in Christ’s darkest moment when He was being mocked, scourged, spit on and beaten beyond recognition for his (our) sin … to whom shall we go … Jesus perhaps in this moment lay broken, His blood being splattered across the cold hard stone barely able to hold himself up, every blow an anguish of flesh being ripped from his body tearing muscles away from his bones and it is here that Jesus takes a deep breath lifts his bloody head to gaze over at Peter just in time to lock eyes with him as Peter realizes his own sin his own denial and Jesus watches Peter as he turns to run away.
Come back to the table.
In the deepest part of my heart, I am looking at that last supper table … where only moments, well perhaps thousands of years ago 12 disciples sat breaking bread and drinking wine with Jesus. He was telling them of what is to come, Jesus was giving them a preview of the cup he must soon drink in his love to save them, and to save us. They all deny that they would ever even consider betraying their Lord. But …
Peter turned and ran. His heart loved Jesus, witnessed His work, was able to lock eyes with Jesus, stated boldly, “Lord to whom shall we go,” and nevertheless in Jesus most painful moments of ministry Peter as it was with all the disciples denied Christ and walked, or rather ran, away.
We are sojourners. But we all have or will run away from God in one way or another … we will. The truth is we are stuck for now in this broken weary world. Jesus was not lying when he told the disciples and when he tells us that there will be troubles in this world. This trouble will find you in far too many ways for life can beat you up.
Come back to the table.
Christ was beat. Beat for the pain of the people, scourged for the sorrow of our hearts, spit on for the envy and jealousy of our flesh, and slaughtered for the SIN of the world. For my sin and for yours. Jesus’ road lead him from the table to the cross. He would stretch his arms wide in an eternal promise of invitation, love, and forgiveness. And He invites us back to the table. Not just to remember, but to hash out our heart, to allow God to shoulder the denial, the anger, the fury, sadness and sorrows of our souls and the weight of the world. We are invited, rather might I suggest we are designed, to run back. God is the creator; in the fibers of our being we are created for Him. Nothing else will suffice. Try as we may with anything else, the world might offer us nothing will fill the void, not anger, not pain, not cars, not homes, not power, not money, nothing. We are passing through. The table, the wide-open arms stand waiting. Peter came back … He ran back to see with his own eyes the empty grave … “Lord to whom shall we go.”
If we can get our hearts around the magnitude of God’s love even a little bit, we will realize that each beat beckons us back to him. Each heartbeat will thunder with the truth that the table which so long ago began as the last supper is so much more than a reminder – this table will lead us to the cross and ultimately to our eternal table. The table of promise, the table of life, the wooden planks of love. Ultimately, Christ’s death is our reservation for a seat next to HIM. We don’t belong there, we can’t get there alone, we can’t come without Him.
We are sojourners, passing through. Allow your heart to feel, wrestle, run, struggle and rail … in the end, please hear Him, lock eyes with Him, He waits for you, He died for you, your troubles are beyond words, but they are not beyond healing; maybe not now but soon. At the last trumpet sound in the twinkling of an eye.
Come back to the table, come as you are, come with sorrow, come with tears, come with anger and doubt, come with joy, come with peace, come rail, come dance, come be held … just come – taste and see … God is faithful His promises are eternal and there is a seat next to HIM waiting for you. Let Lent drive you to the cross and the cross right back to the table eternal.
In Him,
Pastor Kevin
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