My wife, my cow and mental telepathy

What does she need?

Here I am, standing in front of her. Deep, dark-brown eyes, long slender legs, floppy ears, and she’s not eating. Something is wrong.

Standing next to this gentle giant, I wish she could talk. She’d explain how she’s feeling, or why she’s bent on doing the opposite of everything I want her to do.

Communication. Should I say, “Why does it have to be so hard?” Or is that too obvious of a question? My wife says, “There’s no such thing as too much communication.” So maybe my question is fair.

I’m more of a hand-gesture and glance of the eyes communication guy. All the while, I think that I’ve communicated all my feelings and intentions (maybe that’s saying something about the extent of said feelings and intentions).

I’ve never aspired to be like Anne Shirley who erratically swings from flowery meadows into the “depths of despair,” but I am learning the art of communication. Trouble is, I’m not always sure what style that art should be. Despite my nonverbal efficiency, my modern-style blank-canvas art is not going to cut it.

She’s right in front of me, beautiful gray-blue eyes, long slender legs, and the cutest little smirk.

When my wife and I first met, she said I was a good listener. And yes, I was. And still am. But what she didn’t know is that I had already said everything I had to say. Sometimes, I think it’s nice just to BE together and I love listening to her talk.

Stomp, stomp. This black and white monster, now standing in the chute, had been avoiding me, always staying where I wouldn’t see her. This “avoid the conversation” tactic and the danger of her silent treatment proves to me the need for marital “verbal” communication.

I could look at this great big animal and kindly say “WHY DON’T YOU SAY SOMETHING!” But really, with a little observation, this cow is clearly communicating everything I need to know. Raised body temperature, a long gaze into her eyes (okay, it’s more of a quick look), decreased milk production, a listen for gas in her vast insides,  and a sniff of her breath tells me everything I need to know. She’s on the edge, but with a little tender care she’ll be okay.

We’ve been married for 12 years. My wife and I, that is. Some days she perfectly understands my nonverbal glances and gestures. Yesterday, we had company for dinner and instead of interrupting the conversation to request the milk, I just glanced into her eyes and the next thing I knew, the milk was sitting right in front of me.

Now, my ever-patient wife could look at me and, just like in the old CB days, and say, “Breaker, breaker, 1, 9, you got your ears on good buddy?” Meaning, I’m here! Could you talk please?!

As much as I think that mental telepathy is a dependable form of spousal communication, I realize that from her point of view, I might as well be a lumbering oaf in a cattle chute.

Someone said that if you think something positive about someone else, why would you steal that from them by not saying it out loud?

This is a game changer for strong, silent types.

As much as you think she should understand, you are still from Mars and she’s still from Venus. This requires an ambassador from your homeworld, (aka your brain), to go on a diplomatic mission to make harmony, continued goodwill, and oneness with her world. How? I have a surefire tip that needs to be a favorite in your toolbox.

Here it is: Repeat back to her exactly what she said to you. Sounds too simple? Just try it!

It will change your conversations from miscommunication to understanding.

With the sick cow squared away and out enjoying her deep-bed sand stall and fresh feed, I head home for a late supper. Opening the door, I see my busy wife, I hear our squirrely kids, and I know about the endless responsibilities she took care of all day. There’s no need to smell her breath to know her day has been hard.

But with a little tender care, we’ll be okay.

Meet your farmer – Jonathan Gerdes. He and his wife run a farm-to-table Raw Milk dairy in Caledonia, Minn. If he isn’t in the barn,  you can find him dating his wife, playing with his kids, leading youth group, or flying in the sky. Visit gerdesfreshfarm.com for more info.