By Leah Himlie
Valentine’s Day was this past week, and everyone’s focus was on love. Would someone ask you out? Would someone give you chocolate? What if someone left an anonymous note declaring their undying love for you? These questions swirled around people’s heads, partly because of the media. In today’s world, love can be found in almost any form of media: books, movies, and TV shows. The problem is that the media focuses on only one type of love and disregards the others. The type of love that is put on a golden pedestal is romantic love. The media would have one think that romantic love is more important than friendship or family love, and people oftentimes forget that the other two are just as important and fulfilling as romantic love. As my friend put it, “Media portrays [romantic] love as a goal when it’s just a feeling.”
The idea that romantic love is superior to platonic love is harmful to many people in society who do not want to have a partner or get married, including people who identify as aromantic. Aromantic people do not feel romantic attraction to anyone though they may still feel other types of attraction such as sexual attraction. Since the media portrays romantic love as something that completes you, many aromantic people grow up thinking they are broken and can never be fixed. They may think that since they don’t feel romantic attraction, there is something wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with being aromantic. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to get married or have a significant other. In addition, one doesn’t have to be aromantic to justify not wanting to get married. Being single is not inferior to being in a relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship, but people shouldn’t feel forced to always be dating someone just because it’s the “norm.” If a relationship doesn’t have respect, at the very least, there’s a good chance both people will be unhappy. It could even turn into an abusive relationship in some situations. Many people feel pressured to say yes when someone asks them out simply because they feel like they don’t have a good reason to say no. Maybe they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings or are peer pressured into it by their friends. Whatever the case, no one should be pressured into a relationship. If one does not want to say yes, that’s a valid enough reason to say no.
Another problem with the media is that it always seems to make the person who turns the date down the villain. It victimizes the one who asked and shows people that one should never turn a date down because then the other person will be upset about being “friendzoned.” Media almost never shows the other side of things. It never shows the guilt people feel for not returning romantic feelings and being unable to manufacture the feelings needed in order to make everything okay again. Yes, it feels awful to have your heart broken, but it also feels awful to be the cause of another’s broken heart and not be able to do anything about it.
The idea that being “friendzoned” is a bad thing may also contribute to rape culture. How? Being rejected may not seem like it could have such a large impact in society, but it does. For example, let’s say there’s a typical story of Boy meets Girl. Boy develops a crush on Girl, but unbeknownst to Boy, Girl doesn’t want to be in a relationship in general. She sees him, and everyone else, as a friend. When Boy asks Girl to be his homecoming date, Girl lets him down with a stereotypical line: “I don’t like you like that, but we can still be friends.” Here is where the story can change in an instant. Anyone in Boy’s position would be heartbroken and maybe even angry, and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel those things. What’s not okay is believing that you’re entitled to “being given a chance.” When someone believes that, the person often doesn’t respect the person in Girl’s place and may continue asking them out or pressuring them to say yes because being friends “isn’t good enough.” Sometimes it leads to sexual assault to “prove” that the person who said no doesn’t really mean no. That’s how it may contribute to rape culture. Of course not every story ends like this, but enough do that it makes a difference in society’s attitudes about the answer no.
Love is a beautiful thing, but it is also broad. There are many types of love, including romantic and platonic. Though they’re different and the media favors romantic over platonic, both are equally wonderful and deserve to be treated as such.
Leah Himlie is a student at Rushford-Peterson High School. She is one of eight area students participating in the Journal Writing Project, now in its 20th year.
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