A Pastor’s Heart

By Rev. Debra Jene Collum

Chatfield United Methodist

In my kitchen drawer I have a large pizza cutter. It is really too big for a typical utensil drawer insert; yet I will always find a place for it no matter where live. Because this pizza cutter is part of the pastor’s heart that goes with me wherever I find myself. I have had this fairly mundane but important pizza cutter in my kitchen for over 40 years. Almost every time I use it I think of the young men who sold it to me as a part of their school fundraiser. Sometimes, out of the corner of my mind, I will remember their names, or the names of their parents. But most often I simply remember their essence. Earnest young men who dutifully raised money for a school project by selling their wares to the people who attended church with them. Hence, because I was their Sunday school teacher, I was given the opportunity to support their education.

And now 40 years later, I still think of them. Wondering what they are doing. Did their earnest-ness follow them through adulthood? And along with them, I remember the other young people and children I have served in my role as pastor or spiritual leader.

The other day, as my husband and I returned from our trip to Peoria, Ill., to find our next place to live, we passed a sign that told us Lewiston, Ill., was just up the road. It will be a sign I will see somewhat frequently as I drive between my new hometown and where my mother lives. And often, I expect, my mind will wander to this part of the world; wondering how the people I have gotten to know for the past 15 years are doing. And not just at the church but also at Eagle Bluff, RCTC, Lanesboro Community Theater, Chatfield Community Food Shelf, and so many other places. Unlike my pizza cutter selling young men, I will probably be able to keep up with some of what goes on through social media. Even so, I know the details will be lost in time. The memories will, however, remain. Because they are imbedded in my heart.

This is what I mean by having a pastor’s heart.

When a pastor retires from serving in the United Methodist Church we are required to distance ourselves from the congregations we serve for at least a year. This gives the new pastor a chance to form a bond with their new congregation without interference from the former pastor. Because I have never stayed to live in the places I have served, this has been less of an issue with me. From the moment I begin a new pastorate, I know that I won’t be staying. That I am temporary. That doesn’t mean it is easier to leave. It just means that I already know, from the very first day, that this is what will be expected of me when that final day comes when I close my office door for the last time.

Nonetheless, a pastor’s heart never truly completely leaves. Like my pizza cutter and a sign for Lewiston outside of Peoria where I will be living next, there will be things that remind me of former places of ministry. Former people whom I have loved and served and walked alongside as they journeyed through life. Former occasions of great joy and great sadness. Former ministries that were not just within the four walls of a church building, and not always what others would call ‘church’. My heart is filled with so much from so many places. And now, as I end active pastoral ministry; Fillmore/Olmsted County and Chatfield will be embedded deeply in my heart.

And because I have been given such a rich life, these reminders will prompt me to be satisfied with all the ways my life has been touched by others. I have seen God in all of the people I have met. I have seen God work in places most people wouldn’t think to look. I have watched as God shaped lives and upheld promises to walk alongside us no matter what life throws our way.

Because I have such a full heart, even as I leave behind the ministry of being a pastor, I will be able to see God’s work no matter what I do next. And so many of you have been a part of filling up my heart. Thank you.  Because of you, my heart is full of hope.