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Fri, Feb 6th, 2009
Posted in Commentary

I really don't enjoy debating politics, because I'm too competitive and I always WIN; just like in the board game Monopoly against my wife and Karla Appel. I am kidding on all accounts, in case you were ready to challenge me.

In spite of my love-hate relationship with the antics of talking heads, I couldn't help but acknowledge recent measures of character taking place in Washington, D.C. with Tom Daschle withdrawing the nomination to head the Department of Health and Human Services, following an investigation of his unpaid taxes.

I do feel that President Obama handled the situation appropriately, indicating in an interview with Anderson Cooper that he "screwed up." I respect those who take responsibility.

I have always assumed that an individual of Tom Daschle's caliber would understand the tax system better than the average person. Or, at least I would hope he could afford to pay somebody enough money to keep him out of trouble with the IRS. After all, its people like Daschle who have been deciding the fate of our taxpaying dollars.

Doesn't it make you wonder how many other politicians are out there calling "their people" right now to make sure they're in the clear?

For all of you politicians out there, sweating a little bit, I have some good and bad news for you. I found a website full of statistics that are highly probable by my very low standards and basis of entertainment value. You can visit http://www.funny2.com/odds.htm for the full list of odds you won't see in Vegas.

According to the website, you have 1 in 88,000 odds of dating a supermodel and 1 in 60,000 odds of striking it rich on Antiques Roadshow.

No such luck? Well, you do have a 1 in 250 chance of finding out your child is a genius, and a 1 in 220 chance of writing a New York Times best seller.

Still no dice? Well, it's time for some bad news.

The odds are 1 in 200 that you'll have your identity stolen, with 1 in 117 chances of being on a plane with a drunken pilot, and 1 in 10 chances of getting the flu this year.

Feeling wheezy? I understand, as I felt the same way when I saw these numbers. Imagine what the politicians are thinking as they read these statistics.

I did save the best for last, dedicated to all the politicians who "unintentionally" avoid paying taxes.

You have 1 in 175 chances of being audited by the IRS and 1 in 25 chances of getting hemorrhoids.

What's even worse, my estimates indicate you have 1 in 4,375 chances of getting audited by the IRS and having hemorrhoids. If I were a politician right now, in either case, I'd make sure I covered my butt.

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