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Retire, already


Fri, Jun 26th, 2009
Posted in Commentary

I thought eight years of Dick Cheney's sneer was about ten years too many. Now, it seems, he can't find his way home to Wyoming, a place where only the antelope listen.

Then, my compassionate side kicked in. Having seen industries shut down and workers nigh on retirement forced to take up degrading jobs to cover the gap to Social Security, I worried that perhaps he had no pension when the Republican Party imploded under its own self-righteous weight. Being one of those cursed bleeding heart liberals, I have to wonder if there isn't some program where he could get assistance, and get off the podium.

Surely, Halliburton owes him something for swinging all those no bid contracts their way. Couldn't they let him sort the mail or tend the bar at board meetings? Maybe they could send him to Iraq to oversee one of those expensive projects. We could all kick in a buck or two for his coach class airfare.

He's been kind to the defense industry. Could they let him polish bombs perhaps?

The NRA loves him, though his skill at shooting had to be an embarrassment to them. He might collect some tips from the likes of Charlton Heston parking cars at a gun show or something. He is a great spokesman for the idiotic idea that sensible people want to ban hunting. It's hunting humans with assault rifles that is worrisome for lefties. However, the Cheney/Limbaugh fan club wants us to worry that only the military can own nuclear missiles. Imagine that??

Couldn't we find Dick a job irritating nations in the Middle East that none of us know the names or locations of? Lord knows, all dark skinned people live and breathe to destroy Walmart and Exxon. He is scaring us daily with the idea that everyone east of Paris wants to poison or bomb us. He never mentions that none of them ever did before his team was on watch.

He and his small band of followers want to brag that we have not been attacked since 9/11/01. That is like saying every morning while we brush our teeth, "I don't have cancer yet. I must live right." How can "this bad thing hasn't happened" relate to his game plan? My house has never been broken into, my car never stolen; serial killers have never bound and robbed my loved ones. Do Cheney/Bush get credit for all that good luck? If this is his strength and claim to fame, then perhaps he should be a security guard in a Walmart parking lot or any number of parking ramps where women are abducted and raped by non terrorist ordinary American criminals. Since he and his disciples are all about no taxes, we can hardly afford domestic law enforcement so he might be the best candidate for ridding the world of evil, starting right here within our borders. We all love the new Marshall in town.

Could our National Security be related to the basic knowledge and skill of our populace? Not if it means money for education. (damn taxes again) Better the peasants just trust the Plantation Owner to take good care of us.

Poor Dick. He needs a place for his gifts and probably a minimum wage job with health insurance. Maybe he could write a children's book about fear and boogey men and do a tour of Barnes and Noble stores and make a few bucks. The next generation might not be adequately frightened and we know that frightened animals will stay safe in their pens.

Go home Dick. You and yours had your day. Get on a Greyline tour of casinos across our great land. The buffets are generous and you can take home a doggy bag until Social Security kicks in for you. Just don't pretend you have anything to say that we want to hear anymore. There was an election. Did you hear?

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