"Where Fillmore County News Comes First"
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Thursday, December 8th, 2016
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The Country Squire

Sun, Aug 20th, 2000
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It seems as though it was yesterday but it has been al-most ten years since I retired. As a matter of fact, I can barely remember what it was that I did for a living. I can remember how I well I prepared for my retirement. I bought books on the birds and trees of North America. I bought a cocktail shaker and a refrigerated beer tap that keeps a keg of beer at exactly 45 degrees Fahrenheit.

I built a barbecue pit on one side of the deck and I stocked the freezer with pork chops, ribs and beef steaks. I filled the shelves of my library with over thirteen hundred movies and I was all set to go.

How fondly I remember that first week of retirement. I sat out on the deck every day and watched the birds and squirrels. I read books and had a beer or two while enjoying the quiet and stillness of the woods. I was not just a Country Squire, I was a King In His Own Castle. Well, there have been some changes since then.

I forgot about one thing -- the King may have retired but the Queen did not! I was po-litely told, well sort of, that if there was going to be a man in the house all day, the woman was not going to be tripping over him all day so he had bet-ter get up out of that chair and find something to do and not in town!

Then I asked a dumb ques-tion. I asked her what I could do. I have should known bet-ter. She told me what I could do, when I could do it, where I could do it and how often.

It was always our dream to retire to a log cabin in the woods and we did. I thought that once that the logs were in place and there was a roof over our heads, that would be the end of it. Well, have since learned that those log rooms, there are eight of them, and planked and timbered ceilings have to be dusted by using a vacuum cleaner. I suppose that I should have known something was up when she gave me a Shop Vac for a retirement present.

I never gave the matter any thought before but I now real-ize that there are 32 windows in this cabin, they are double hung which equals 64 and each one of those double hung windows has a storm window, which is also double hung which makes for a total of 128 sheets of glass that somehow must be kept free of smudges, streaks and what-ever.

Then there is the deck where I used to sit, watching the squirrels and birds and reading while drinking a beer or two. that deck must be kept clean and what with all of those dirty birds flying about, it is a daily chore. It is my considered opinion that if all of those bird counters and watchers had to share a deck with them, there would not be many people stalking about in the woods watching and counting birds. Bird counters, Ha! I can tell them how many of those dirty birds are flying around here.

I believe that I mentioned that we live in the woods, our own four plus acres of woods. Do you have any idea how many trees can be crowded onto four plus acres? And how about those countless leaves that city people drive for miles to see and admire in the fall. Well, just what do you think happens to all those beautiful leaves in the late fall? They fall down, that's what they do, and who do you think gets to pick them up? I do, that's who.

Now, if there is anyone out there in the civilized world who could use some books, a sel-dom used cocktail shaker and a refrigerated beer tap that has only cooled one keg, let me know.

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