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Parting Shots


Fri, Apr 27th, 2001
Posted in

Monday, April 30, 2001

Well here we are. It's May and Summer is just around the corner. The school year was fun (note the touch of sarcasm) but, in life, all good things must end. So comes to a close me writing for this newspaper syndication. It was a fun experience, writing for a newspaper such as this one. I have been noticed by people from all around town who have complimented me on my articles and say that they agree with what I have to say, which is cool. I have also had people come up to me and say that I suck and that I wouldn't know a
logical thought if it bit me in the.... anyways that wasn't very cool. But overall this was a great experience.

For my last article I've pieced together small fragments of articles. So here you go.

The Minnesota Twins. It just makes me laugh on how a team of young nobodies can come together to become a team with a great pitching staff which features aces Brad Radke and Eric Milton. The offense is led by third baseman Corey Koskie and first baseman Doug Mienkawitz? or is it Merchlewitz? Miekolwitz? I have no clue how to spell it but he's good, and so are the Twins, as Twins' fans pray that the trend continues.

In other Minnesota sports news, the Rushford-Peterson track and field complex is finally complete and we've even had a meet on it. Personally I have to say it is the sweetest track within driving distance and you would be doing yourself a great favor by going down to watch a track meet in person. We have an Invitational meet on Tuesday May 1st and then the big one, the Southeastern Conference, on Monday May 14th. So if you want to see some of the best athletes in the area compete in the events of running, jumping, and throwing come on down to Rushford and watch.

Can't find the track? It's the big, black, rubberized oval around the football field, can't miss it. That plug should be worth a few letter points (hint, hint Coach Wade).

Do you remember in February when the USS Greenville surfaced directly underneath a Japanese fishing boat killing students and crew members? Well, the US Navy forced the captain of the USS Greenville, Scott Waddle, into early retirement. Waddle escaped being court martialed by his defense that he was merely showing off the speed to surface to the civilian guests aboard the ship.

I truely believe that Waddle should have been court martialed though. I mean if a high school student shows off the speed of his or her car and gets into an accident, they could get their license taken away and could face suspensions or other penalties. Waddle did the same thing in comparison but with a billion dollar nuclear submarine. The situation should have resulted in a court martial.

President George W. Bush. I don't think I'm going to make fun of him right here. It's so easy to rip on this guy that it's not really that funny anymore. He's like a walking butt of every joke about the mentally retarded or the rock smokers. Eh... I'll just leave well enough alone.

The XFL is finally over. The Los Angeles Extreme are the world champions of the XFL. Good for them. They will probably stay on top since the XFL has a good chance of getting canceled before next year.

So now all of the XFL players (or ex-XFL players as they soon will be known) can go back to work at their old jobs. Jobs like head repairman at Joe Bob's Tire and Lumber Yard; or 2nd assistant manager at Sizzlers; or the classiest job in the bunch, crack dealer at the street corner of 5th and Main. But at least these ex-XFL players leave with some memories of their XFL exprience. Like the time they got to meet Vince McMahon; or the time their team finally got a first down (unfortunately it was mid-season at that time); or the time that they played in front of scandalously clad cheerleaders while shirtless, beer guzzling rednecks were cheering them on (my bad, that was every game). The pounding headache that is the XFL is finally over thank heavens. Hey, but everybody make sure to say hi to the XFL's MVP Tommy Maddox next time you go to pick up a Big Mac with fries and a Coke.

By Andy Carlson

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