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Tom Cruise and Bozo the Clown

Fri, Jul 1st, 2005
Posted in Commentary

I am a strong supporter of people worshiping whatever and whomever they want.

You want to pray to your ancestors, the Kitchen God or Bozo the Clown, more power to you, I say. You want to put needles in dolls like practitioners of voodoo, no problem. You want a shaman to sprinkle chicken blood on the floor in front of you to scare away any animist spirits, don’t let me stop you. Whatever pulls your spiritual chain, I say.

I once met a man on the weathercoast of Guadalcanal named Moro who started a movement patterned after the Cargo Cults of post-World War II. He had a colony of about 300 people living in abject poverty in the jungle believing that they were long lost brothers (and sisters) to Americans. Direct descendants of Abe Lincoln, no less, who unbeknownst to most people had a black son, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Of course Moro went into a coma for three days and had this vision that Lincoln’s kin were going to come back and reclaim their missing cousins. Oh, and they were going to bring staka anikaen somtin (lots of loot).

Quite frankly, it was hard to keep a straight face when talking with Mr. Moro, nearly 30 years ago. He was wearing a loin cloth and a yellow rain slicker at the time and trying to hitch a ride in the Land Rover I was riding.

So, while I support another man’s right to pick his poison, I reserve the right to have a good chuckle about it nonetheless.

Which brings me to Mr. Tom Cruise. I am nearly hysterical over the antics of Big Tom, who supposedly has reached some new Alpha level in the Church of Scientology. Scientology is based on the teachings of the late L. Ron Hubbard, a sci-fi writer, best known for his book “Dianetics.”

According to a recent article in, “Scientology believes that man bears the traces of an annihilated alien civilization that was brought to earth by an intergalactic warlord millions of years ago. A Scientologist must be “cleared” of their personal inhibitions which are the result of traumatic experiences built up over a near eternity of reincarnations. One becomes “clear” through taking courses and “auditing,” a process where a more advanced church member encourages a novice to relive past traumas.”

The article goes on to speculate that Mr. Cruise has been “cleared” and has been elevated to OT-VII, meaning “operating thetan.” This supposedly means that Cruise has moved to the proselytizer stage of Scientology, which may explain Tom’s behavior as of late.

Scientology is anti-psychiatry for the probable reason it sees “getting cleared” and “seeking treatment” in competition with each other. It is estimated that it costs up to $30,000 to make it to the “all clear” stage of Scientology. And let’s face it, opting for a religion whose supposed links go back to an alien civilization does not fall into those norms of behavioral tendencies most psychologists talk about.

Watching Mr. Cruise, and the nation’s reaction to his behavior, is, of course, hilarious. Like Mr. Moro waiting for Mr. Lincoln, Cruise exhibits all the signs of being a good old fashioned lunatic.

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