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One Moment, Please... Headlines that didn’t make the cut


Fri, Mar 29th, 2013
Posted in All Commentary

By Jason Sethre

Publisher

Fillmore County Journal &

Olmsted County Journal

Cell: 507-251-5297

jason@fillmorecountyjournal.com

I really, really wanted to make this edition of the Fillmore County Journal a special one. After all, it’s not often that our publishing date falls on April 1st of any given year. As a matter of fact, our next opportunity to publish an April Fool’s edition of the Fillmore County Journal will be on April 1, 2019 -- six years from now.

As I walked around the office, I threw a whole bunch of headlines and story ideas out on the table, but the staff rejected every single one of them. They felt that I would be stirring the pot. And, they are usually right.

But, I figured if it wasn’t on the front page of the newspaper, simply buried in my commentary piece, it might not ruffle any feathers.

So, with a ladle in one hand, a keyboard in another, and a rolling pin in the other, I began to slowly churn the pot, and here’s what I came up with for my Top Ten April Fools’ Day headlines.

1. “Frac sand mining garners unanimous county-wide support.”

2. “Rushford and Rushford Village to become one.”

3. “Carimona Township repeats history, reclaiming title as County Seat.”

4. “Lanesboro approves new Wal-mart to be built in 2014.”

5. “Fountain disappears in sinkhole; reappears in Harmony.”

6. “Fillmore County rice farmers on the rise.”

7. “Fillmore Central, Mabel-Canton, Lanesboro schools to merge by 2015.”

8. “Preston bans trout fishing for Trout Days.”

9. “Fillmore County bans Packer fans.”

10. “Fountain Police Chief works closely with Ostrander Police Chief to solve crime.”

These are the stories that were never written; only talked about. I guess we will never know what sort of public reaction I might have received.

But, as you are reading today’s Fillmore County Journal, please note that there are a few other surprises along the way. We have some spoof ads and editorial content that is tainted with a bit of April Foolery. See how many you can find, and share them with your family, friends and co-workers.

Guest Commentary: Pipeline a safe source

Fri, Mar 29th, 2013
Posted in Spring Valley Commentary

By Dan Terbeest, Spring Valley I have read several letters against the Keystone XL pipeline. I am having trouble seeing why we should not build it. Some of the arguments make it sound like this is something new and we don’t understand the technol ..... 
[Read the Rest]

Armageddongate legion

By Col. Stan Gudmundson

Fri, Mar 29th, 2013
Posted in All Commentary

By Stan Gudmundson Johns Hopkins neurosurgeon, Dr. Benjamin Carson recently said, “Let’s say somebody were (president) and (he) wanted to destroy this nation. I would create division among the people, encourage a culture of ridicule for basic ..... 
[Read the Rest]

Guest Commentary: Frac Sand Gold Rush Will Hurt Our Economy and Environment

Fri, Mar 29th, 2013
Posted in All Commentary

By Councilor Lynn Schoen, City of Wabasha As a city of Wabasha Council member I am very concerned about the negative impact the frac sand industry will have on my community. This type of large scale intensive strip mining and the truck traffic and ..... 
[Read the Rest]

How did the President of “Yes we can!” wind up with a Congress of “No we can’t!”

By Yvonne Nyenhuis

Fri, Mar 22nd, 2013
Posted in All Commentary

By Yvonne Nyenhuis Our ancestors came across dangerous waters in small wooden boats to face an unknown wilderness. They challenged the domination of England and started a new nation. In the eighteen-hundreds they left behind the comfort of the E ..... 
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Guest Commentary: Medical insurance

Fri, Mar 22nd, 2013
Posted in All Commentary

By Robert and Monica Hatch, Lanesboro Recently we read an on-line article that said a senior retiring at age 65 and living to a typical age of 85 should expect to spend $250,000 on medical expenses, including various premiums, for an annual bill of ..... 
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Congress falls short on national security

By Lee Hamilton

Fri, Mar 22nd, 2013
Posted in All Commentary

By Lee H. Hamilton Wherever you stood on Sen. Rand Paul’s 13-hour filibuster to delay John Brennan’s confirmation as CIA director, or on the Senate’s confirmation hearings for Brennan and Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel, they all serve as a rem ..... 
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Guest Commentary: Liquor store, new city building, or money pit

By Brett Kues

Fri, Mar 22nd, 2013
Posted in All Commentary

By Brett Kues I recently watched a speech given at the Fellowship Foundation National Prayer Breakfast in Washington D.C. by Dr Benjamin Carson. He told a story about a friend who loved to buy his mom expensive and extravagant Christmas gifts. On ..... 
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Guest Commentary: Legislature must pass Senate File 786 to protect rural communities from frac sand rush

Fri, Mar 15th, 2013
Posted in All Commentary

By Vince Ready For the first time in my life, I travelled to the State Capitol from my home in Saratoga Township in Winona County. I was there with many of my neighbors and concerned citizens to let the Legislature know that they must act to protec ..... 
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