"Where Fillmore County News Comes First"
Online Edition
Thursday, August 21st, 2014
Volume ∞ Issue ∞
 
<< | < | 161 | 162 | 163 | 164 | 165 | > | >>

Township Roads: Christmas giftware


Fri, Dec 13th, 2002
Posted in Columnists

It is that time of year again. Crowds of people working at their Christmas shopping choke the roads into and out of shopping centers and malls. Our township road has been clogged, too. I’ll bet eight cars went past this last Sunday. Most of the occupants were wearing orange and were doing their shopping at the outdoor livestock boutiques in the neighborhood.I took the opportunity to do a little browsing through all those advertising flyers that come in the newspapers every day between Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve. My wife assures me that there are gift-giving ideas galore in these flyers and that I should pay attention to them. Maybe I would learn what gifts are popular and, by studying the models, might learn what colors go well together and what styles are appropriate. Such study might turn me into a much-improved gift-giver.Here is a summary of what I found. First of all, the models I mentioned are all stuffed replicas of unreal humans whose photos have been digitally altered. Nobody looks that good. I will not comment on the female models whose looks and behavior I do not pretend to comprehend. However, having spent considerable time around locker rooms in my day, I conclude that not one man in a hundred is shaped like those models in the ads. Furthermore, I do not believe that men stand around in their underwear chatting. Men hardly chat at all, and if they do, they don’t do it in their underwear. These unreal scenes that show men chatting in their underwear do nothing to inspire me to buy underwear. My reaction is usually, "Why don’t those guys get dressed and get back to work?" And besides, real men wear holey underwear with droopy elastic. Real men wouldn’t be caught dead in "lounge pants" either. Lounge pants make me cringe.It is peculiar what the advertisers think represents Christmas. The ads come out in red and green with Santa Claus adorning every page. Once inside the cover you find that the ad could work just as well to help you celebrate Labor Day, Columbus Day or the Viola Gopher Count. What do cough syrup, deodorant, Immodium, teeth whitener, hair color, pantyhose, paper plates, Tylenol, Tide and toilet paper have in common? They were all advertised under the banner of "Christmas Gift Ideas". Oh, boy. Someone is going to love what they find in their stocking.The ads would like you to think that food is fine Christmas giftware. How about some very nice macaroni and cheese, F .....
[Read the Rest]

At Home in the Woods-What Kind of Truth?

Fri, Dec 6th, 2002
Posted in Columnists

My recently published book "At Home in the Big Woods," has taught me the importance of advertising--media coverage, press releases, fliers, book signings and books placed in windows of stores. I enthusiastically joined in the promotion of my book, bu ..... 
[Read the Rest]

Of People, Places & Things-“Who is that guy?”

Fri, Dec 6th, 2002
Posted in Columnists

Like many of you, I have never enjoyed going to the dentist. It probably has something to do with letting another person put metal objects in my mouth.  When I was a kid growing up in Austin, my mom used to have to drag me by ..... 
[Read the Rest]

Journal Writing Project-Jamie Howe

Fri, Dec 6th, 2002
Posted in Columnists

Tis the season

It’s finally here...the church bells ringing triumphantly, the crackling of the fire, the Christmas lights twinkling all around, the stockings hanging, the carolers singing on the snow-covered sidewalks, the chitt ..... 
[Read the Rest]

Another From Flaherty-"Much to do about whatever"

Fri, Dec 6th, 2002
Posted in Columnists

As a general rule, a man has to have something to do; even if he doesn’t get around to it. This is especially true if he is retired. He can’t just sit around twiddling his thumbs, although in certain circles, this could be considered as a digital exe ..... 
[Read the Rest]

Journal Writing Project-Kyle Anderson

Fri, Nov 29th, 2002
Posted in Columnists

As I walk through the halls at my high school, I see kids huddled in their groups of friends talking about what happened on the weekend. Conversations about what movie someone went to, a place someone visited, or something that a person bought. Nothi ..... 
[Read the Rest]

The Commute: Joy at the Dome

Fri, Nov 29th, 2002
Posted in Columnists

My family and I made the trip to the championship game last Saturday. My kids, ages three and seven, had never seen the Metrodome. They speculated before our trip about how big it would be, and whether they’d see any Minnesota Vikings or Twins just h ..... 
[Read the Rest]
<< | < | 161 | 162 | 163 | 164 | 165 | > | >>