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I should have been a Consultant


Fri, Apr 6th, 2001
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Monday, April 9, 2001

Now that I am a retired Country Gentleman, I think of all the years I wasted in what was known as Gainful Employment, when I could just as well have been a Consultant. Consultants donít really do anything, they just tell their clients what they think that their clients would like to hear. Had I been a Consultant, I would have had more time for myself, since Consultants donít have to keep regular hours. I could have worked out of my home and just mailed letters and made phone calls and when I wasnít writing letters and making phone calls, I could have gone fishing, traveled or I could have been a politician and spent my time and someone elseís money running for office. If I had been a Consultant, I could have gone around making after dinner speeches. Of course to be an after dinner speaker, one must first be invited to dinner and it has been my experience that dinner invitations are rather hard to come by.

Now that I think about it, I would never have gone fishing. Since I donít like fish, what would have been the point? As far as being a politician goes, it would have been just my luck to have gotten myself elected to some office and then where would I have been? I would have been some sort of social outcast, sitting in an office somewhere.

I did get to do some traveling after I received a letter from my friends, neighbors and The President of The United States inviting me to join the Army. I didnít think much of the opportunity but they made me an offer that I couldnít refuse. When I reported for duty, they told me that I was going to be a Pilot and they sent me out to Washington State where I learned navigation and how to pilot a boat. I never did figure out why the Army needed boats, but they gave me one and told me how to use it. I took the boat out onto the Straits of Juan de Fuca and managed to get it back to Port two or three times and then they said that I was ready to go overseas.

The War that we were having at the time was being held in Korea, so how did I manage to get sent to France? I spent over a year sailing up and down The Gironde Estuary and The Bay of Biscay and no one ever told me what for. The boat (it was a J Boat) was a cabin cruiser equipped with twin fifty caliber machine guns that never got fired, but always seemed to be in need of cleaning. Well, that was the Gunnerís problem. I donít know why we needed the guns since we were in France and they werenít mad at us and besides, we .....
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The Gift of Life

Fri, Apr 6th, 2001
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Monday, December 18, 2000

When the phone rang at three a.m. last Monday morning, my husband Joe sat straight up out of a deep sleep, "Baby time," he said.

With one foot on the floor, he then heard me saying, "Yes, you can dry ginger a ..... 
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Farming California Style

Fri, Apr 6th, 2001
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Monday, April 9, 2001

Anyone listening to the news lately could make a fair assumption that California has been having many resource problems in their recent history. What most people donít realize is how it affects Californiaís farm economy. ..... 
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Crossing Cultures

Fri, Apr 6th, 2001
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Monday, March 19, 2001

It's a bone chilling November evening in 1979. Members of Sheie and Garness Lutheran Churches of rural Mabel wait in the LaCrosse airport for a family coming across the Mekong River, Laotian mountains and centuries of cu ..... 
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"Alias Brontosaurus"

Fri, Apr 6th, 2001
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Monday, April 9, 2001

Although known as Brontosaurus to most people the long-necked giant dinosaur serving as the mascot of the Sinclair Oil Company, or as Fred Flintstoneís "steam shovel" for all you cartoon fans, is in reality properly calle ..... 
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Escape from America

Fri, Apr 6th, 2001
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Monday, December 11, 2000

I guess Iím a snowbird at heart because every year about this time, once the temperature dips below zero and looks like itís going to stay there awhile, I start yearning to go south. Way south. All the way down to Ecu ..... 
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The End of Treadmill Time

Fri, Apr 6th, 2001
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Monday, April 9, 2001

It must be spring, or at least the calendar tells us it must be. The first cardinal of the season finally found our bird feeder, just in time to begin discovering his naturally provided foods as they are exposed from unde ..... 
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Something smells fishy

Fri, Apr 6th, 2001
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Monday, April 2, 2001

A lot of people have been asking me why the county is dumping the county engineer, Steve Voigt. "What has he done wrong?" they ask, implying that there is some smoking gun somewhere that would point to malfeasance or insu ..... 
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Fri, Apr 6th, 2001
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