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Lost and Found


Fri, Nov 2nd, 2001
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Monday, October 22, 2001

I finally must admit that I am no longer approaching old age; I have crossed the threshold. I first became aware of this when I realized how many things that I have forgotten. Last Monday, I was about to explain the conditions of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo to my wife when I drew a blank. I couldn’t remember them! It was then that I also realized that I couldn’t remember some of the Helsinki Accords. I apologized to my wife about Hidalgo and she said that she didn’t give a damn about the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo and as far as the Helsinki Accords were concerned, she couldn’t care less. She went on to say that I had always gone on explaining things to people whether they wanted an explanation or not and if I were losing my memory about trivia, it would not only be a blessing for our friends and neighbors, but would be considered as the greatest news since the advent of Metamucil.

There is another thing that I find disconcerting, of all the actors and actresses in my movie collection, ninety-five percent of them are dead or listed as missing. There will never be another Humphrey Bogart, Spencer Tracy, James Cagney, Edward G. Robinson, Charles Laughton or James Stewart. Can you picture Brad Pitt as Sam Spade in The MALTESE FALCON, Leonardo Di Caprio as Rhett Butler in GONE WITH THE WIND, John Travolta as Captain Bligh in MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY and who could portray George M. Cohan in YANKEE DOODLE DANDY? I suppose that is if they ever remake CASABLANCA, they will cast Steve Martin with Barbara Streisand in the leads. Well frankly my dears, I don’t give a damn!

I seem to have forgotten what little grammar I had learned in school. Since when did the noun, loan, become a verb and whatever happened to the verb lend? As Sister Lavinia used to tell me, “Don’t say, will you loan me a pencil, you must say will you lend me a pencil?” For some reason, the United States Postal Service has changed the abbreviations of the States, What used to be Minn, is now MN and Iowa is IA. Well, really, why would anyone find it necessary to abbreviate Iowa or Utah, where is the savings? Does anyone think that if I abbreviate Minnesota I shall somehow speed up mail delivery? Henceforth, I shall take great satisfaction in spelling out the states in full on every letter that I write. Speaking of “HENCEFORTH” doesn’t it read and sound better than, “FROM NOW ON” or “IN THE FUTURE?”

Now that I have given the matter some thought, .....
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Commute 006-Therapeutic Shopping

Fri, Nov 2nd, 2001
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Monday, November 5, 2001

One of the interesting things about a consumer culture is how people use shopping as therapy. I have a friend who soothes herself by heading to a department store cosmetic counter when life gets bleak, to sample all t ..... 
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October the Sports Solstice

Fri, Nov 2nd, 2001
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Monday, October 29, 2001

October is the month when the four major sports converge, meeting like some kind of Autumn solstice. Hockey players are on the ice, their sticks held high; basketball is just taking shape with the exhibition season und ..... 
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It's a Disaster!

Fri, Nov 2nd, 2001
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Monday, October 29, 2001

We see the birds flying in V's overhead with their long white necks stretched to their full lengths. We are close to our destination--Rieck's Lake, three miles north of Alma, Wisconsin along the Mississippi River. We r ..... 
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On the Move

Fri, Nov 2nd, 2001
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By John LevellMonday, October 22, 2001

The chill in the night air leaves little doubt that summer is actually gone. Area trees are trading their vibrant warm weather greens for more multi-hued autumn clothes. Our woodland ..... 
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How to Plant Bulbs

Fri, Nov 2nd, 2001
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Virginia CooperMonday, November 5, 2001

If you still have a few bulbs lingering around in bags it's now or never time. They're not that hard to plant and it doesn't take long at all. You'll be glad you did come spring.

Two good rules f ..... 
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Take Your Time

Fri, Nov 2nd, 2001
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Monday, Octovber 22, 2001

I’m all goofed up again. Daylight savings time, or lack of it, is the culprit. Just when a guy is getting used to it then we spring ahead or fall back. It makes sense in my mind, but my body just doesn’t buy the reali ..... 
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Contemporary Bunkshooters

Fri, Nov 2nd, 2001
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Monday, October 1, 2001

The Rev. Jerry Falwell is what poet Carl Sandburg would call a bunkshooter. Pat Robertson is one too.

Full-flushing, bonafide bunkshooters. Conjurers, magicians, illusionists, pulling the wool over many people’ ..... 
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Fri, Nov 2nd, 2001
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