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78


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Now I think that I know it all


Fri, Feb 16th, 2001
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Monday, February 12, 2001

I had written six hundred and seventy-six words in longhand on Wednesday. I always compose my subject in longhand and then, when Iím satisfied with it, I type it and send it off for publication. I had just finished typing the first paragraph when my typewriter refused to type another word. It just wouldnít work. First I gave it a good talking to and when that failed, I gave it a good shaking up and then I hauled off and gave it a good kick.

My wife came into the room and wanted to know what was going on and why I was using that kind of language. I told her that I had been talking to my typewriter. She looked at me for awhile, then shook her head and said that I had finally gone around the bend and derailed. She also said that her mother had warned her about me and predicted that something like this was bound to happen sooner or later.

I told her that I was sorry if I seemed upset but I had six hundred and seventy-six words to type and nothing to type with and all of those words had to be ready to go by Monday and here it was Wednesday already. I told her that I had to go somewhere and get another typewriter because I didnít have time to get mine repaired even if I could find someone who could fix it. She reminded me that I had been fighting with that piece of junk for the last two years and she was not going to allow another typewriter into her house. She told me that it was high time that I entered the Twenty-First Century and bought myself a computer. I told her that I didnít know anything about computers except that they had stuff called megahertz, gigabytes and whatever and I didnít have any idea of what, if anything, they meant.

She said that in all of those years that she had known me, this was the only time that I had ever admitted that there was something that I didnít know. She then got on the phone to our son Tom and asked him if he could take me into the city and help me buy a computer. He came over the next day and took me in hand. I felt like a child going to his first day of school. We went to three or four places before he found what I needed.

Have you ever been to a foreign country and had people come up to you and start talking to you and not understand a word that they said? Well with great tact and diplomacy so as not to make me feel like an idiot, Tom told the kid behind the counter what it was that I needed. After about half and hour, Tom and the kid had assembled an arra .....
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The Gift of Life

Fri, Feb 16th, 2001
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Monday, December 18, 2000

When the phone rang at three a.m. last Monday morning, my husband Joe sat straight up out of a deep sleep, "Baby time," he said.

With one foot on the floor, he then heard me saying, "Yes, you can dry ginger a ..... 
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The X.F.L. is C.R.A.P.

Fri, Feb 16th, 2001
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Monday, February 19, 2001

Like most Americans, I was intrigued by the XFL when it was first being advertised in the fall. I thought it could be the return to real football. Tough, smash mouth type football that players like Dick Butkus (who, b ..... 
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A Step Back in Time

Fri, Feb 16th, 2001
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Monday, February 19, 2000

The elderly lady behind the counter says, "Here are your tickets. You must go upstairs now and when you hear the bell, you must come down and begin the tour. No one is allowed into the Clock Museum without a tour guid ..... 
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Beneath Tropical Seas

Fri, Feb 16th, 2001
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Monday, February 5, 2001

Waves roll in and then recede, as the ocean endlessly caresses this lonely tropical shore. Shallow, crystal clear and deliciously warm are the waters of the all-encompassing sea. The white sand beach is deserted, polis ..... 
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Escape from America

Fri, Feb 16th, 2001
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Monday, December 11, 2000

I guess Iím a snowbird at heart because every year about this time, once the temperature dips below zero and looks like itís going to stay there awhile, I start yearning to go south. Way south. All the way down to Ecu ..... 
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Telephones

Fri, Feb 16th, 2001
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Monday, February 12, 2001

It is Saturday and the telephone rang again for about the sixth time and it is only two p.m. The various jingles, tones, and warbling throughout the house barely stir me. The kids will get it. The phone hardly ever ri ..... 
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Tooting our own horn

Fri, Feb 16th, 2001
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Monday, February 19, 2001

It is usually at this time of year, after the groundhogs have seen their shadows and spring seems like an eternity away, that various news organizations hold their annual conferences. This is an opportunity for us new ..... 
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Fri, Feb 16th, 2001
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