That’s what I’ll do if I ever get hungry again after Thanksgiving. Instead of eating, I’ll let the moon shine down my throat. I hope the Doppler weather radar gave you perfect Thanksgiving meteorological conditions for someone to guard the food while the rest gave thanks. Hope looks to the future, gratitude to the past. My mother was up early before anyone in a house of early … [Read more...]
The snows of November came early
“When does winter start in Minnesota?” I was a guest on a radio show whose host posed that question. The station was located where winters are different from here in the frozen foods section of the country. I won’t say kinder or gentler, but the temperatures are higher and snow is lacking. My lame answer was, “When last winter’s snow has finally melted.” This assured … [Read more...]
Knowledge is power and Francis is Bacon
I could have waited but I couldn’t wait. I mumbled the nursery rhyme, “Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye, four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. When the pie was opened, the birds began to sing – wasn’t that a dainty dish to set before the king?” My parents were visiting the neighbors, which involved drinking copious amounts of coffee and eating brownies. They … [Read more...]
I was on a hero’s journey
Was it Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick? I was on my version of a hero’s journey, making a trip to town to do some light grocery shopping. A hero’s journey involves a hero (in this case, me) who goes on a great adventure, encounters roadblocks, is victorious in a battle against formidable forces and comes home transformed because Cap’n Crunch breakfast … [Read more...]
The TV ran all over us and left laugh tracks
Watching Ben Cartwright made me feel for Lorne. The TV looked down haughtily at me from its lofty perch as I sat in a waiting room, lingering in an uncomfortable chair. Service was running behind. Staff issues. It was a new TV presenting an old TV show. Do TV shows ever become antiques? “We get 793 channels and there’s not one thing worth watching,” grumbled a man working … [Read more...]
They made haste slowly
Even the compass pointed to Halloween. Like Don Quixote, I fight imaginary villains. I needed to do a few electronic signatures. This resulted in a series of blunders and frustrations. I used my forefinger to scribble what was supposed to be my signature on the screen of an electronic device. It wasn’t good. I know it needn’t have been perfect, but I wanted it to be readable. … [Read more...]
He died in a tragic sock accident
My great-grandfather died in a tragic sock accident. I asked my father for further details on his 70th birthday, but it was too soon. He couldn’t talk about it. My great- grandfather’s unfortunate demise is why I like to wear sandals. Sandals are safe because there is no need for socks and because I once had a pair of haunted socks. That’s another story. I like sandals … [Read more...]
It’s Colorado Rocky Mountain high jinks
Every day is a surprise. I walked on a moonless night when no star dared twinkle. It was as dark as a dark cloud with a dark secret. I walked without illumination because it was a trail I’d walked a thousand times before. I moved along in the vagueness until something hit me. Unbeknownst to me, a tree branch along the path had broken and become a hanger (widowmaker). I was … [Read more...]
The interest rate is high when you borrow trouble
We talked all afternoon and never ran out of things to say. It was a Mayberry moment on a front porch. A friend talked of his childhood experience of working for a farmer who offered him Copenhagen (smokeless tobacco) with the promise it would make him a man. He tried it and described the noteworthy event as the closest he has ever come to dying. One of life’s greatest … [Read more...]
Have you ever misspelled your name?
It’s nice to have a name you can remember. I live a mile from where I was born. I had no choice. My mother said nuts didn’t fall far from the tree. I grew up amid people named Nelson, Olson, Hanson, Sorenson, Knutson, Gulbrandson, Jacobson, Peterson, Madson, Thompson, Hendrickson, Larson, Jenson, Erickson, Swenson, Christenson, etc., and I still have difficulty pronouncing … [Read more...]