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Potty mouth outside the post office

February 22, 2021 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

He wouldn’t set his long underwear on fire to keep others warm. But he’s a good guy. He’d risen early because he’s an early riser. The morning’s brain fog and darkness had caused him to look for his cell phone by using the flashlight on his cell phone. That sounds goofy, but who among us hasn’t done something similar? He told me the tale of his tomfoolery outside the post … [Read more...]

The Pontiac had an oldometer

February 15, 2021 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

My father was the last owner of every car titled in his name. Each automobile went directly from our shed with the big sliding doors to the junkyard. The auto salvage place paid $1 per year for a used-too-much car with more rust than miles if it could roll down the drive in a faked appearance of being operational. A car towed to the junkyard’s driveway could be given a push … [Read more...]

Smelling the dairy air

February 8, 2021 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

I’ll admit it, I’ve never milked almonds. I’ve never milked soybeans, rice, oats, hemp, flax, coconuts or cashews either. Apparently, milk comes from everything but milkweed. “Were you born in a barn?” I’m often asked when failing to close a door. I hadn’t been, but I took field trips to the dairy barn each day. It was a nice place to visit but I didn’t want to live there. … [Read more...]

There is no “I” in food

February 1, 2021 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

Sometimes I get so hungry I could almost eat my cooking. I make excellent toast, but I can’t explain my technique well enough to teach a class on toast making. I reckon it’s a gift. I’m a wizard at reheating food in a microwave. I’m lucky to have lived under the spell of two talented cooks (wife and mother). They make cooking as easy as shooting fish in a barrel, but I’ve … [Read more...]

We kitchen tabled everything

January 25, 2021 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

The wind gained speed as it blew through the cracks of the old house. My upstairs bedroom was called the freezer. I was the only one who called it that, but that means it was called that. My science teacher told me that hot air rises. I was convinced cold air did, too. Our house had a furnace in the basement which provided rumors of heat. The furnace could have been in … [Read more...]

They cut off heads at the drugstore

January 18, 2021 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

I couldn’t find a short pier as someone had suggested I do. But I went for a long walk anyway. I’m a chronic walker and often put my camera on a leash for company. I take photos of birds because I’m a birder and of wintry things like snow and more snow. I fell in love with photos because of Ansel Adams, the iconic American nature photographer known for his striking black and … [Read more...]

Living in this country’s frozen food section

January 11, 2021 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

January is the perfect time to get a good deal on a Christmas tree. January is when we realize Canada’s major exports are cold fronts. I have a favorite cereal bowl. It’s plain in color. It might be beige. It has no cartoon characters on it. I like bowls better than bowl games. Here’s a tip for you, never order a plate of soup. I’d just polished off a bowl of oatmeal when a … [Read more...]

How I love you, how I love you, my dear old Swami

January 4, 2021 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

I opened the door and a robed visitor accompanied by sitar music walked in out of the dimming twilight. The renowned mystic from the Far East part of the township, the fabled soothsayer, the seventh son of the seventh son of the seventh son, the oracle from just down the road; Swami Davis, Jr. stopped by to give me his predictions for 2021. He knows little but suspects a lot. … [Read more...]

Santa wasn’t watching but Aunt Ingeborg was

December 29, 2020 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

I don’t care if we have a white Christmas. There, I’ve said it. Such an utterance is nearly a sacrilege. I remember going to see the Christmas tree man each year. He was destined to sell Christmas trees according to a neighbor who claimed the man’s head comes to a point. We bought the cheapest Christmas tree in the lot, only seeds would have cost less. The tree had a lived-in … [Read more...]

Naturally

December 29, 2020 by Al Batt Leave a Comment

I heard a bird singing merrily on high. It was a crow. It was 30 years ago. I still played basketball. After a hard-fought battle on the hardwood, I stopped at a supermarket to make my shopping list happy. There was a stack of heated dog dishes by the door. They were not big sellers as they’d been reduced to $2. I bought one as any big spender would have. I should have bought … [Read more...]

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Fillmore County Journal - Your number one source for news and community information in Fillmore County Minnesota
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